SNL Transcripts: Donald Trump: 04/03/04


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 16

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


April 3rd, 2004

Donald Trump

Toots and the Maytals


Carolyn Kepcher

George Ross

Ben Harper

Jack Johnson

The Roots

Daniel Bedingfield
The ApprenticeSummary: In a parody of “The Apprentice”, Donald Trump must choose to fire Amy Poehler, Jimmy Fallon or Finesse Mitchell. Lorne Michaels wants in on the fun, too.

Note: Donald Trump wanted to deliver the opening line, but it was given to Carolyn Kepcher instead because “he’s already a billionaire.”


MontageNote: Lindsay Lohan was originally slated to host this episode, but was pushed back in order to coincide with the theatrical release of “Mean Girls.”

Donald Trump’s MonologueSummary: After stroking his ego, Donald Trump authorizes his back-up Donald Trump (Darrell Hammond) to fire Jeff Zucker (Jimmy Fallon).

Recurring Characters: Donald Trump, Jeff Zucker.

Bio: Billionaire real estate mogul Donald Trump (1946-) joined the reality TV craze with the advent of “The Apprentice.”


Fear Factor JuniorSummary: Joe Rogan (Fred Armisen) puts grade schoolers to the test.

Note: The dad is played by Rob Riggle, who will join the cast of SNL next season as a featured performer.


Live! with Regis & KellySummary: Regis Philbin’s (Darrell Hammond) close, personal friend Donald Trump controls his own ratings during an interview.

Recurring Characters: Regis Philbin, Kelly Ripa.

Star JonesSummary: As he walks away from the “Live!” set, Donald Trump runs into Star Jones (Kenan Thompson) in the audience.

Recurring Characters: Star Jones.

Donald Trump’s House of WingsSummary: Following the styles of Derek Jeter and Rev. Al Sharpton, Donald Trump opens his own corny theme restaurant.


Toots and the Maytals with Ben Harper and Jack Johnson perform “Love Gonna Walk Out on Me”Bio: Frederick “Toots” Hibbert, Raleigh Gordon and Jerry Matthias formed reggae/ska group Toots and the Maytals in the late 1960’s. They disbanded in the early 1980’s, but reformed during the following decade.

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Tina Fey doesn’t want to go through with revamped “Weekend Trump Date” format. Odd things fall on an irate Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth’s (Maya Rudolph) head during her guest commentary.

Note: Cut segments include: Chris Parnell as a movie critic, and a Boston Red Sox commentary by Seth Meyers.


The Prince and the PauperSummary: A bored Donald Trump (Darrell Hammond) trades places with a janitor (Donald Trump).

Recurring Characters: Donald Trump.


Fathers and SonsSummary: Peter Fleck (Seth Meyers) tries to connect with his tough-love dad (Donald Trump).


9/11 HearingsSummary: Richard Clarke (Darrell Hammond) proclaims his advanced knowledge of 9/11.


Toots and the Maytals with Bootsy Collins & The Roots perform “Funky Kingston”

The Apprentice BandSummary: Donald Trump, George Ross (Fred Armisen) and Carolyn Kepcher (Amy Poehler) practice their band with a performance of “She’s Got Class.”


Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Star Jones IISummary: Star Jones (Kenan Thompson) stops Donald Trump once again, to discuss “American Idol” with him.

Recurring Characters: Star Jones, Al Reynolds.

TV FunhouseSummary: Rob Smigel presents a cartoon about Donald Trump.

A Private MomentSummary: Donald Trump shares a private moment with his money, then shreds it.

Trump’s BookSummary: Donald Trump writes a love story but releases it on audio.

Meet The PressSummary: A song braks out as Tim Russert (Darrell Hammond) interviews Condoleeza Rice (Maya Rudolph).

Recurring Characters: Tim Russert, Condoleeza Rice.

Star Jones IIISummary: Star Jones (Kenan Thompson) follows Donald Trump through the studio, then breaks up with her fiance, Al Reynolds (Finesse Mitchell).

Recurring Characters: Star Jones, Al Reynolds.

Jayson WilliamsSummary: Jayson Williams (Finesse Mitchell) discusses his recent scandal with his lawyer (Donald Trump).

Note: This sketch is also cut from next week’s episode with Janet Jackson.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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