SNL Transcripts: Donald Trump: 04/03/04: Fear Factor Junior

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 29: Episode 16




03p: Donald Trump / Toots and the Maytals

Fear Factor Junior

Joe Rogan…..Fred Armisen
Dad…..Rob Riggle

[ show dangerous scenes from “Fear Factor” ]

Announcer: This month, “Fear Factor” takes it to the next level.

[ show young children enduring the eating of live worms ]

Announcer: Fear Factor Junior!

[ live roaches are poured onto the chest of a young boy ] [ Joe Rogan stands over a young boy in front of a helicopter ]

Joe Rogan: You know how to swim, right?

Young Boy: [ excited ] Yeah!

[ helicopter takes off, as the young boy is blindfolded behind intense, clenched teeth ]

Announcer: Do these first and second-graders have what it takes?

[ the young boy is pushed off the helicopter, into the waters below ] [ Joe Rogan hides young children under a bed, and pushes plates of strange animal carcasses to them ]

Announcer: You haven’t seen fear, ’til you’ve seen it through a child’s eyes.

[ Joe Rogan addresses a young girl ]

Joe Rogan: It’s a simple question-and-answer game. I’ll ask you ten questions, and, any time you’re wrong.. [ pulls sheet to reveal a pet dog standing knee-deep in a tank of water ] ..this tank, containing your pet retriever Paulie, will fill up with 20 gallons of water!

[ show young boy being pulled out of the water by a rowboat ]

Announcer: The New York Times calls “Fear Factor Junior” “The most…example of…society.”

[ the roaches continue to crawl across the chest of the other young boy ] [ Joe Rogan continues to quiz the young girl ]

Joe Rogan: Star of “Gilligan’s Island”? [ a beat ] Bob Denver. That was easy.

[ tank water rises to the pet dog’s chest ] [ Joe stands over another kid for a challenge in the parents’ bedroom ]

Joe Rogan: This is called Breakfast In Bed. [cut to shot of the kids parents in bed] Your job is to pick off the maggots and eat them, while preserving the eggs benedict. If the breakfast isn’t good enough.. your parents will get a divorce.

[ the kid grimaces at the thought, as his parents look on in shame. He then begins to pick off the maggots one by one, and eat them ]

Announcer: From the producers of “Fear Factor” and “America’s Most Talented Kid” —

[ Joe Rogan continues the quiz the little girl ]

Joe Rogan: De-si-lu.. Pro- ductions!

[ the little girl grimaces, as tank water rises past the pet dog’s eyes ] [ Joe runs alongside a young covered with bees, as a clown chases her ]

Joe Rogan: He’s catching up! You’ve gotta run! Here comes the clown!

Announcer: Fear Factor Junior”. Mondays at eight, followed by “Fear Factor Alcoholics”.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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