SNL Transcripts: Donald Trump: 04/03/04: Fear Factor Junior

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 16

03p: Donald Trump / Toots and the Maytals

Fear Factor Junior

Joe Rogan…..Fred Armisen
Dad…..Rob Riggle

[ show dangerous scenes from “Fear Factor” ]

Announcer: This month, “Fear Factor” takes it to the next level.

[ show young children enduring the eating of live worms ]

Announcer: Fear Factor Junior!

[ live roaches are poured onto the chest of a young boy ] [ Joe Rogan stands over a young boy in front of a helicopter ]

Joe Rogan: You know how to swim, right?

Young Boy: [ excited ] Yeah!

[ helicopter takes off, as the young boy is blindfolded behind intense, clenched teeth ]

Announcer: Do these first and second-graders have what it takes?

[ the young boy is pushed off the helicopter, into the waters below ] [ Joe Rogan hides young children under a bed, and pushes plates of strange animal carcasses to them ]

Announcer: You haven’t seen fear, ’til you’ve seen it through a child’s eyes.

[ Joe Rogan addresses a young girl ]

Joe Rogan: It’s a simple question-and-answer game. I’ll ask you ten questions, and, any time you’re wrong.. [ pulls sheet to reveal a pet dog standing knee-deep in a tank of water ] ..this tank, containing your pet retriever Paulie, will fill up with 20 gallons of water!

[ show young boy being pulled out of the water by a rowboat ]

Announcer: The New York Times calls “Fear Factor Junior” “The most…example of…society.”

[ the roaches continue to crawl across the chest of the other young boy ] [ Joe Rogan continues to quiz the young girl ]

Joe Rogan: Star of “Gilligan’s Island”? [ a beat ] Bob Denver. That was easy.

[ tank water rises to the pet dog’s chest ] [ Joe stands over another kid for a challenge in the parents’ bedroom ]

Joe Rogan: This is called Breakfast In Bed. [cut to shot of the kids parents in bed] Your job is to pick off the maggots and eat them, while preserving the eggs benedict. If the breakfast isn’t good enough.. your parents will get a divorce.

[ the kid grimaces at the thought, as his parents look on in shame. He then begins to pick off the maggots one by one, and eat them ]

Announcer: From the producers of “Fear Factor” and “America’s Most Talented Kid” —

[ Joe Rogan continues the quiz the little girl ]

Joe Rogan: De-si-lu.. Pro- ductions!

[ the little girl grimaces, as tank water rises past the pet dog’s eyes ] [ Joe runs alongside a young covered with bees, as a clown chases her ]

Joe Rogan: He’s catching up! You’ve gotta run! Here comes the clown!

Announcer: Fear Factor Junior”. Mondays at eight, followed by “Fear Factor Alcoholics”.

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