SNL Transcripts: Janet Jackson: 04/10/04: Cork Soakers



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 29: Episode 17




03q: Janet Jackson

Cork Soakers

Giuseppe…..Horatio Sanz
Marcello…..Jimmy Fallon
Female Tourist…..Janet Jackson
Male Tourist…..Chris Parnell
Luigi…..Fred Armisen
Cork Soaker #1…..Seth Meyers
Cork Soaker #2…..Darrell Hammond
Monica…..Maya Rudolph
Carmella…..Rachel Dratch

[ open on footage of wine country ] [ dissolve to interior, corking room, as Giuseppe enters with tour group]

Giuseppe: Right this way, folks. You’re now entering.. the corking room. This is where.. the final step in the bottling process happens – where we prepare all the corks for all the bottles of Brunello that you saw earlier.

Marcello: Any questions? [ a hand is raised ] Yes?

Female Tourist: I’ve always actually wondered about that. How do you cork the bottles?

Marcello: Excellent-a question, ma bella. As you can see, we are -asoaking all of the corks in this room right now. These three guys right here are some of the most talented cork soakers! Say hello, you all cork soakers!

[ the three cork soakers turn around and wave happily to the tour group ]

Male Tourist: Now, I’m curious – how does one become a cork soaker.

Giuseppe: As we-a like-a to say, “Cork soakers are born, not made.”

Marcello: Yeah. Luigi here was simply born to soak cork! Come say hi, Luigi!

Luigi: I love-a soaking the cork! I could-a soak the cork all night long, if they let me! I want to-a soak two corks at once!

Female Tourist: So.. are all corks the same?

Marcello: No, no, no..

Cork Soaker #1: I like-a to soak the big-a, thick-a corks!

Luigi: I like-a the long-a, skinny ones.

Cork Soaker #2: I like-a the dark-a ones.

Giuseppe: The great-a thing about the cork soaking, is that while you are-a soaking the cork, you can also.. massage-a the grapes, until the cork is ready. [ holds up a bunch of grapes ]

Marcello: That’s right.

Female Tourist: [ stumbling, on the verge of cracking up ] So, how did you learn to sork.. corkssuck — soak corks?

Marcello: You know, I’ll never forget the first time I soaked-a cork. I was fifteen, in-a summer camp.

Female Tourist: You know, I’ve noticed that all the cork soakers are men. Do women make good soakers?

Giuseppe: Oh, yes! Yes! Monica, Carmella – come in here!

Marcello: Come in here.

[ Monica and Carmella enter scene ]

Giuseppe: Monica.. tell-a these-a nice-a people.. how you soak the cork.

Monica: Well, ever since I started soaking cork, I’m the most popular girl in school!

Marcello: It’s-a true – men come-a from all over just to watch her soak a cork. And Grandma Carmella still-a soaking cork at age 87! I got ot say that, too!

Carmella: [ speaking with her gums ] It’s crazy! Ever since I lost my teeth, people tell me I soak the cork better than ever!

Female Tourist: Wow, this soaking corks really seems like a family business. So.. does your wife like soaking.. [ laughing ] ..s-s-soaking cork?

Marcello: Well.. she used to, when we were dating. Now, not so much.

Male Tourist: Um.. could you teach me how to soak cork?

Giuseppe: You know.. when-a you walked in here.. I could-a sworn you already an expert cork soaker!

Male Tourist: [ flattered ] Thank you! I dabbled in college. Um.. but, let me ask you this – do you ever run out of corks to soak?

Marcello: Oh, yeah, I’ll never forget this one that was unusually large. And I thought Giuseppe would need extra cork.

Giuseppe: And I thought Marcello would need more corks.

Marcello: So we soaked-a each other’s corks at the same time! [ to Giuseppe ] Do you remember that?

Giuseppe: Can you imagine that? Me-a soaking his cork.. while-a he soaked mine?

Marcello: Oh, boy!

Giuseppe: What year was that?

Marcello: The year we soaked each other’s corks?

Giuseppe: Yes.

Marcello: That-a was, what.. that was like, sixty.. late 60’s, right?

Giuseppe: Yes.

Marcello: Sixty.. eight?

Giuseppe: I-a wanted to say.. 70.

Marcello: No.. you sure it wasn’t one earlier than that?

Giuseppe: It was sometime or other..

Marcello: Let’s just say between 68 and 70, alright?

Female Tourist: This is all really so fascinating. So, do you think that one of you could teach me how to soak.. soak.. [ laughing ] ..s-s-soak corks?

[ the cork soakers cheer excitedly, each rallying to be the one to teach the beautfiul tourist the art of their craft ]

Giuseppe: Oh, I’m sorry. Come with me, ma bella. I will let you soak-a my cork as long as you like!

[ they depart from the group ]

Marcello: Cheers! Cheers!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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