Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 29: Episode 17
Janet Jackson Concert Line
White man…..Chris Parnell
White woman…..Amy Poehler
Black man…..Kenan Thompson
Ticket Girl…..Rachel Dratch
Starkisha: ooh girl We gonna see us some Janet Jackson
Appreciante: Starkisha, you know Im her biggest FAN
Starkisha: girl please, Im her biggest fan cuz I got all her albums on cassette
(crowd pushing around)
Starkishia: Excuse YOU, no you didnt
White man: I am so sorry, so sorry the croud pushed me into you I promice it was an accident.
White woman: yes, even thought you cut in line, it was an accident
Starkisha: well, did the crowd make you grab my butt like that?
White man: excuse me I did no such thing honey she is lying!
Starkisha: I knew you could t resist because this bootie heree is a white-boys magnent
Appreciante: uh oh, Say your Name
“I say my name is StarkishaMy booties soft to touch the girls think Im janet ‘cuz they like to miss me muchthey miss me mu-u-uch.”
Appreciante & Starkisha: (singing)
“I Can miss you much!”
(doing the dance rutine from Miss U Much viedo)
Appreciante & Starkisha: ooh ooh we next we next
Ticket girl: Next please.
Starkisha: 3 tickets to see Janet Jackson please
Ticket girl: Im sorry the upper level seats are SOLD OUT.
Starkisha: What makes you think we want to sit in the upper level seats?
Appreciante: Thats raticial.
Ticket girl: We do have floor seats still avalible. 5th row center
Starkisha: oh no 5th row Appreciante uuuuuuuuh uuuuuuuuuuuh (high fiving)
Appreciante: How much are doze?
Ticket girl: uhh 250 dollars a piece.
Starkisha: come here- (ticket girl comes close to the window Starkishia smacks it) two hundred and fiffy dollars. Girl you must be on crack. Now for two fiffy I better see Janet, Michael, Tito, Reebie, LaToya, Samuel L. Jackson better be on the drums and Rev Jessie Jackson better be shaken a tamboreen. Cuz all I’m gonna give you is an Andrew Jackson. What you got for that?
Escalante: Hey yall, wassup wassup wassup?
Starkisha & Appreciante: Hey Escalante wassup?
Escalante: we at the front of the line already
White man: (raises hands in the air) aruggggg
Starkisha: Escalante now where have you been cuz it dont take that long to park no car?
Escalante: Awe girl, I know. I saw Travis and he wuz followin me. So I had to drive arroun until I lost him
White woman: gosh. Is Travis an ex-boyfriend that is stalking you or something? I-I had one of those
Escalante: No Travis is the repo man trying to take my 92 centra, and Stay out my businessO K (pause) We get some tickets yet? We Get some tickets, y’all?
White man: uh, NO They havent
Escalante: Well, Im gettn mine cuz I luz me some Janet! (singing Pleasure Principal) Pleasure principal Uhoooooooo Uhoooooooo HAAAAAAAY
Starkisha: hode up but hode up but hode up but the tickets are two fiffy dollas.
Escalante: You jokin, right, Janet did bumped her head if she think Escolantae gonna payn two fiffy. She ain’t all that.
Starkisha: SHE AIN’T ALL THAT!
Appreciante: Shore ain’t!
Escalante: you know I heard that she was seceretly had a baby and sold it to her brother Jackie.
Escalante: I also heard she s secretly got married to Jermaine DuPree while she was still secretly married to that Riecko Suave man.
Both: oooh faareal
White Woman: oh really? is that true? That is so unbelieveable.
White man: honey dont
Escalante: and I also heard she took two aher ribs outta her waist just to make it smaller
Starkisha: Now that aint true.
Appreciante: I herd it too
White woman: yes that is true it is true I have heard that also
Escalante: I also heard that she and Michael are the same person
Starkisha: no see that would explane the ticket price (hit window)
White man: what about that super bowl incident? Thats ..
Starkisha: BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (right up in the White man’s ear)
Escalante: WHO CARES!! I’m so tired of that
White man honey lets go we willjust get our tickest online
White woman: Sweetheart, please! I am hanging with my PEEPS
White man: (to the black man) Excuse me sir can you help us out?
Black man: Look no man, I dont know them.
White man: well um could you please ..
Black man: Look, no I am just as afraid of people like that as you are.
White man: allright ok fine. Fine. Fine.
Escalante: I’m leavin she aint all that Janet aint all that She is Trippin
Starkisha: SHE IS TRIPPEN!!
Passerby: Ive got one ticket back row 20 bucks
Starkisha, Escalante, Appreciante: ooh give me that ticket (all running after the man yelling)
Submitted by: Terry G. Mitchell