SNL Transcripts: Janet Jackson: 04/10/04: Janet Jackson Concert Line


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 17

03q: Janet Jackson

Janet Jackson Concert Line

Starkisha…..Finesse Mitchell
Appreciante…..Maya Rudolph
Escalante…..Janet Jackson
White man…..Chris Parnell
White woman…..Amy Poehler
Black man…..Kenan Thompson
Ticket Girl…..Rachel Dratch

Starkisha: ooh girl We gonna see us some Janet Jackson

Appreciante: Starkisha, you know I’m her biggest FAN

Starkisha: girl please, Im her biggest fan cuz I got all her albums on cassette

(crowd pushing around)

Starkishia: Excuse YOU, no you didn’t

White man: I am so sorry, so sorry the croud pushed me into you I promice it was an accident.

White woman: yes, even thought you cut in line, it was an accident

Starkisha: well, did the crowd make you grab my butt like that?

White man: excuse me I did no such thing … honey she is lying!

Starkisha: I knew you could’ t resist because this bootie heree is a white-boys magnent

Appreciante: uh oh, Say your Name

Starkisha: (Singing)
“I say my name is StarkishaMy booties soft to touch the girls think I’m janet ‘cuz they like to miss me muchthey miss me mu-u-uch.”

Appreciante & Starkisha: (singing)
“I Can miss you much!”
(doing the dance rutine from Miss U Much viedo)

Appreciante & Starkisha: ooh ooh we next we next

Ticket girl: Next please.

Starkisha: 3 tickets to see Janet Jackson please

Ticket girl: Im sorry the upper level seats are SOLD OUT.

Starkisha: What makes you think we want to sit in the upper level seats?

Appreciante: That’s raticial.

Ticket girl: We do have floor seats still avalible. 5th row center

Starkisha: oh no 5th row Appreciante uuuuuuuuh uuuuuuuuuuuh (high fiving)

Appreciante: How much are doze?

Ticket girl: uhh 250 dollars a piece.

Starkisha: come here- (ticket girl comes close to the window Starkishia smacks it) two hundred and fiffy dollars. Girl you must be on crack. Now for two fiffy I better see Janet, Michael, Tito, Reebie, LaToya, Samuel L. Jackson better be on the drums and Rev Jessie Jackson better be shaken a tamboreen. Cuz all I’m gonna give you is an Andrew Jackson. What you got for that?

Escalante: Hey yall, wassup wassup wassup?

Starkisha & Appreciante: Hey Escalante wassup?

Escalante: we at the front of the line already

White man: (raises hands in the air) aruggggg

Starkisha: Escalante now where have you been cuz it don’t take that long to park no car?

Escalante: Awe girl, I know. I saw Travis and he wuz followin me. So I had to drive arroun until I lost him

White woman: gosh. Is Travis an ex-boyfriend that is stalking you or something? I-I had one of those

Escalante: No Travis is the repo man trying to take my ’92 centra, and Stay out my business—O K (pause) We get some tickets yet? We Get some tickets, y’all?

White man: uh, NO They havent

Escalante: Well, Im gettn mine cuz I luz me some Janet! (singing Pleasure Principal) Pleasure principal Uhoooooooo Uhoooooooo HAAAAAAAY

Starkisha: hode up but hode up but hode up but the tickets are two fiffy dollas.

Escalante: You jokin, right, Janet did bumped her head if she think Escolantae’ gonna payn two fiffy. She ain’t all that.

Starkisha: SHE AIN’T ALL THAT!

Appreciante: Shore ain’t!

Escalante: you know I heard that she was seceretly had a baby and sold it to her brother Jackie.

Both: faareal

Escalante: I also heard she s secretly got married to Jermaine DuPree while she was still secretly married to that Riecko Suave’ man.

Both: oooh faareal

White Woman: oh really? is that true? That is so unbelieveable.

White man: honey don’t

Escalante: and I also heard she took two aher ribs outta her waist just to make it smaller

Starkisha: Now that aint true.

Appreciante: I herd it too

White woman: yes that is true it is true I have heard that also

Escalante: I also heard that she and Michael are the same person

Starkisha: no see that would explane the ticket price (hit window)

White man: what about that super bowl incident? That’s…..

Starkisha: BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (right up in the White man’s ear)

Escalante: WHO CARES!! I’m so tired of that

White man honey lets go we willjust get our tickest online

White woman: Sweetheart, please! I am hanging with my “PEEPS”

White man: (to the black man) Excuse me sir can you help us out?

Black man: Look no man, I don’t know them.

White man: well um could you please…..

Black man: Look, no I am just as afraid of people like that as you are.

White man: allright ok fine. Fine. Fine.

Escalante: I’m leavin she aint all that Janet aint all that She is Trippin

Starkisha: SHE IS TRIPPEN!!

Appreciante: TRRRIIIPPPEN!

Passerby: I’ve got one ticket back row 20 bucks

Starkisha, Escalante, Appreciante: ooh give me that ticket (all running after the man yelling)

Submitted by: Terry G. Mitchell

SNL Transcripts

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x