SNL Transcripts: Lindsay Lohan: 05/01/04: 17th Annual Adult Movie Awards


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 18

03r: Lindsay Lohan / Usher

17th Annual Adult Movie Awards

Ron Jeremy…..Horatio Sanz

[ open with NBC logo ]

Announcer: You’re watching NBC, America’s #1 television network!

Disclaimer: ..among adults, 24 to 26, in non-metropolitan areas.

[ dissolve to awards show montage reel ]

Announcer: Live, from the Circus Circus Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada.. it’s the 17th Annual Adult Movie Awards. Featuring appearances by..

Ron Jeremy..

Jenna Jameson..

Phil McCracken..

Urethra Franklin..

Betty Balzac and the Betty Balzac Dancers..

Jeremy Piven..

Dick Petersworth..

Dick Prong..

Dick Mcfeelie..

Dick Vhanes..

Dick Spitz..

Dick Rod..

Rod Dick..

Bill Mahar and “The Teabagger”..

Dick “The Penis” McPherson..

Jimmy Kimmel..

Rusty Tailpipe..

Krystal Ballz..

Tawny Kooter..

Rumple Foreskin..

Misty Britches..

Mary Hole..

“Saturday Night Live”‘s Darrell Hammond..

..and Maggie Gyllenballs.

[ dissolve to the awards stage ]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen.. your host for the evening – Rom Jeremy!

[ Ron Jeremy, in dark blazer and tropical shirt, steps up to the podium ]

Ron Jeremy: Hello, everyone. Hello. Welcome, once again, to the 17th —

[ the awards are cut off ]

Announcer: [ over matching SUPER ] “Due to heightened sensitivity and the threat of FCC fines, NBC regrets to inform our audience that certain portions of the Adult Film Awards have been deemed unsuitable for broadcast. We apologize for any inconvenience. We now rejoin the program.”

[ cut back to the awards, Ron Jeremy at the podium in only his tropical shirt and flanked by three porn actresses ]

Ron Jeremy: Well, that’s our show! [ chuckles ] Thanks for watching, everybody, we’ll see you next year!

[ dissolve to NBC logo ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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