SNL Transcripts: Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen: 05/15/04


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 29: Episode 20

This free script provided by]]>

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


May 15th, 2004

Mary-Kate Olsen

Ashley Olsen



HardballSummary: John Kerry (Seth Meyers) lets Rev. Al Sharpton (Kenan Thompson) speak on his behalf.

Recurring Characters: Chris Matthews, John Kerry, Rev. Al Sharpton.



Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen’s MonologueSummary: Jimmy Fallon and Will Forte make it up to the Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen for missing their prom to host SNL.

Bio: Twin sisters Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen (1986-) became entrepreneurial forces in Hollywood while still toddlers on the long-running sitcom, “Full House.”


Paparazzi PhotographersSummary: Paparazzi photographers (Amy Poehler, Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen) bother celebrities.

Recurring Characters: Paparazzi Photographer.


Mary-Kate & Ashley PerfumeSummary: The perfume that fits your mood, whether you’re an Ashley or a Mary-Kate.


Z-105 Morning CrewSummary: Joey Mack (Jimmy Fallon) knocks “New York Minute”, then pretends that guests Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen are farting.

Recurring Characters: Joey Mack.

The SwanSummary: Amber (Amy Poehler), the one-legged hypoglycemic, acts nasty during a makeover.

Recurring Characters: Amber.


J-Kwon performs “Tipsy”Bio: J-Kwon (1986-) is a rapper from St. Louis.

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Jimmy Fallon gives his gay review of “Troy.” Contractor Costas Popakanstantis (Horatio Sanz) hasn’t completed construction of the Summer Olympics stadium.

Note: Jimmy Fallon’s final appearance as co-anchor of “Weekend Update.”


Pat & Patti’s Backpack ShackSummary: Crazy accents and an overabundance of rhymes dominates the Backpack Shack.

Recurring Characters: Pat Sylviac, Patti Sylviac.

Access HollywoodSummary: Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen introduce their triplet, Betty Faye Olsen (Fred Armisen).

Recurring Characters: Pat O’Brien.

The Bloder BrothersSummary: Wayne (Chris Parnell) and Kip Bloder (Jimmy Fallon) meet the Paulson Twins (Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch) in a bar, oblivious to the fact that they first tried to pick them up in a roller rink while teenagers (Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen).

Recurring Characters: Kip Bloder, Wayne Bloder.

Camcorder DadSummary: Family members object when Dad (Chris Parnell) films their indoor barbecue.

“The Adventures Of Harold”Summary: T. Sean Shannon film follows the adventures of a 12-year old bald boy at school.

Recurring Characters: This film was cut from the dress rehearsal of last week’s Snoop Dogg episode.

Summer NightsSummary: Members of the cast sing summer songs to commemorate the end of the season, then get excited when Jimmy Fallon shows up to launch a “Grease” parody as his farewell.

Note: Though Jimmy Fallon had decided for some time that he would leave at the end of this season, he didn’t officially confirm the news until the day before the season finale.

Note: Because the show was running long, J-Kwon’s second song was cut in order to make room for Jimmy Fallon’s farewell sketch.



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Wake Up WakefieldRecurring Characters: Megan, Sheldon.

Coco & Natsui Super ShowRecurring Characters: Coco, Natsui.

SNL Transcripts

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x