SNL Transcripts: Queen Latifah: 10/09/04: Short and Curly


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 30: Episode 2

04b: Queen Latifah

Short and Curly

Greg….Seth Meyers
Greg’s Friend….Will Forte
Naked Guy…..Chris Parnell
Color-treated guy….Fred Armisen
Impressed man….Rob Riggle
Black Guy….Finesse Mitchell

[Opens with gym’s bathroom. Two friends look in themirror after a shower, towels around their waist.]

Greg’s Friend: Hey, Greg! What’s up?

Greg: Nothing.[ A vain look on his face]

Greg’s Friend: You look…different.

Greg: Really?

Greg’s Friend: Yeah, did you lose weight?

Greg: Nope.

Greg’s Friend: Did you change your hair?

Greg: You could say that.

[Opens up his towel and his friend looks down on his crotch]

Greg’s Friend: Greg, your pubes look fantastic!

Greg: Tell me about it.

Greg’s Friend: How’d you do it?

Greg: Oh, I don’t know…

[Gives him a bottle of shampoo. Its called Short andCurly. Daily thickening. 2-1 shampoo and conditioner.For male pubic hair]

Greg’s Friend: Short and Curly. A pubic shampoo. Does it work?

Greg: Uh, you tell me.

[Greg stands completely naked. His genitals arepixeled. A group of friends gather around and take alook at his crotch. A naked guy joins them with histowel wrapped around his neck.]

Naked Guy: What’s up, bros? [Looks down at Greg’sgenitals] Holy crud, Greg! Your pubes look awesome.

Greg’s Friend: Check it out.

[Gives naked guy the shampoo bottle. Close up of thebottle blocks the pixeled genitals]

Naked Guy: Short and curly. Huh, I didn’t know theymade shampoo for pubic hair.

Greg: Yeah, it works for all kind of pubic hair.

Color-treated Guy: Even color-treated pubic hair?

[Animation sequence shows the pubic hair being washedwith the shampoo. Pubes bounce and shine more]

Announcer: Short and Curly is specifically formulated to repair the damage caused by brushing and blow drying so your short and curlies will be shorter, fuller, shinier, curlier with more body and extra sheen. And don’t forget about Short, Dark, Curly and Lovely.

[Bottle of S&C and SDCL]

Black Guy: But that, my friends, is strictly for the brothers.

[Black guy opens up his towel and shows his pixeledgenitals. The white dudes stare with open mouths,clearly impressed with the black guy’s penis size.]

Greg’s Friend: [stunned]You look….great.

Black Guy: That’s the special no-lie relaxer.

Greg: [lying to himself] Yeah, that’s what it is.

[Bottles of Shampoo]

Announcer: New Short and Curly and Short, Dark, Curly,and Lovely available at fine pubic salons everywhere.

Naked Guy: Short and Curly. I’m going to pick some upon my way home.[smiles] [fade] [Cheers and applause]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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