SNL Transcripts: Jude Law: 10/23/04



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 30: Episode 3


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


October 23rd, 2004

Jude Law

Ashlee Simpson

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HardballSummary: Chris Matthews (Darrell Hammond) discusses the Kerry campaign with smiling Ed Gillespie (Seth Meyers) and hothead Zell Miller (Will Forte).

Recurring Characters: Chris Matthews, Zell Miller.

Transcript

Montage

Jude Law’s MonologueSummary: Female cast members fawn over Jude Law with a song.

Bio: Jude Law (1972-). Actor; named for the Beatles song “Hey Jude”; among the six films he appeared in this year are “Alfie”, “I ♥ Huckabees”, and “Closer”.

Transcript

Green ScreenSummary: In a parody of “Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow”, an actor (Jude Law) struggles with the task of performing an entire movie in front of a green screen.

Dyson ToiletSummary: The only toilet with enough vacuum power to flush down ravioli.

Note: This commercial parody was cut from the last episode’s dress rehearsal.

Transcript

The Presidential DebatesSummary: Now in their ninth debate, President George W. Bush (Will Forte) and John Kerry (Seth Meyers) repeat the themes they’ve already covered in previous debates.

Recurring Characters: Jim Lehrer, President George W. Bush, John Kerry.

Paris Hilton ApologizesSummary: Paris Hilton (Maya Rudolph) and sister Nicky (Jude Law) apologize for their recent use of the N-word.

Recurring Characters: Paris Hilton.

Transcript

Ashlee Simpson performs “Pieces Of Me”Bio: Ashlee Simpson (1984-). Singer/actress; younger sister of pop star Jessica Simpson; appeared regularly on “7th Heaven”.

Weekend Update with Tina Fey & Amy PoehlerSummary: The Ghost of Babe Ruth (Horatio Sanz) and his hooker (Rachel Dratch) comment on the Red Sox curse.

Recurring Characters: Babe Ruth.

Transcript

Bush and BlairSummary: President Bush (Will Forte) and Prime Minister Tony Blair (Jude Law) hold a press conference.

Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush, Tony Blair.

“The Apprentice” PromoSummary: Dracula-garbed Donald Trump (Darrell Hammond) records a promo for “The Apprentice.”

Recurring Characters: Donald Trump.

Transcript

Jane EyreSummary: Classic literature comes to life as Jane Eyre (Rachel Dratch) watches helplessly as her employer, Mr. Rochester (Jude Law), sneaks off to the attic for sex.

Note: This sketch was cut from the dress rehearsal of last season’s Colin Firth episode.

Ashlee Simpson attempts to perform “Autobiography”Note: Oops! Ashlee Simpson is caught red-handed for lip-synching when her earlier recorded performance is accidentally replayed. Flustered, she performs a “hoedown” before getting the hell off the stage as quickly as she can.

Bear CitySummary: The adventures of a post-meteor Earth populated by bears is documented this week by an automobile collision involving two bear drivers.

The Adventures of Peter O’Toole & Michael CaineSummary: Peter O’Toole (Jude Law) and Michael Caine (Seth Meyers) will have a drink together anywhere — even if they’re not quite sure where it is they’re at.

Recurring Characters: Michael Caine, Peter O’Toole.

Transcript

Bear CitySummary: When a bear is caught mimicking his boss, he’s promptly fired.

GoodnightsTranscript

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Dress Rehearsal Cuts

GreyhoundSummary: First-time bus riders (Jude Law, Amy Poehler) deal with crazy people during a layover.

TV FunhouseSummary: In Rob Smigel’s cartoon, President Bush invents a de-gaying machine, which he haphazardly demonstrates on celebrities.

Note: This cartoon will later air in the episode hosted by Luke Wilson.

Cool PoliceSummary: Members of the Cool Police (Jude Law, Fred Armisen, Amy Poehler) legally dictate what’s cool and what’s not.

Merv the PervSummary: Merv (Chris Parnell) and his cousin (Jude Law) hit on women at the office Halloween party.

Recurring Characters: Merv the Perv.

Note: This sketch will later air as a Christmas party on the episode hosted by Colin Farrell.

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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