SNL Transcripts: Jude Law: 10/23/04: Dyson Toilet



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 30: Episode 3




04c: Jude Law / Ashlee Simpson

Dyson Toilet

James Dyson….Fred Armisen

[Opens with the trendy inventor with gray hair in a lab. He has a strong English accent.]

James Dyson: Hello there. I’m James Dyson. Inventor of the Dyson Vacuum….the first vacuum that doesn’t use suction.

[Cut to the yellow vacuum with a transparent, plastic, dust bag. Signature is written beside the toilet. James Dyson]

And now I’ve applied the same technology to another household necessity, the common toilet. You see, I was visiting a friend one weekend and after taking a particularly difficult Sunday-morning squat on what I thought was a pretty good commode,…

[Cut to James, pants around his ankles, taking a dump]

I was amazed by the lousy suction.

[Cut to James flushing, he is intrigued by the flush]

I realized there must be something terribly wrong with this design.

[Cut to James wearing protection glasses with his face in the toilet bowl making an examination]

I took the toilet apart and discovered the problem.

[James puts his hand deep in the toilet bowl]

A small amount of my discard was hopelessly clogged.

[James back in the lab]

So I decided to design something better. And a few thousand prototypes later I had it….the Dyson Toilet.

[The toilet is exactly like the vacuum but with a toilet bowl attached to it]

The first toilet that doesn’t use suction.

[Cut to James with his face next to the toilet bowl holding a pan filled with ravioli]

Just look at how it handles this massive load of pumpkin ravioli.

[James deposits the raviolis in the toilet bowl. A hard flush takes the raviolis into the transparent dust bag. Its a mess of water, meat, pasta, tomato sauce all smeared in the see-through bag.]

And those ravioli were quite dense. It’s brilliant, isn’t it?

The Dyson Toilet….the first toilet that doesn’t require plunging.

[A last look at the Dyson Toilet.]

[Signature: James Dyson.]

[fade]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

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