Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 30: Episode 4
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:
October 30th, 2004
Kate Winslet
Eminem
None
Johnny Damon
Proof
NBC Special ReportSummary: Osama bin Laden (Seth Meyers) delivers a videotaped message about the U.S. Election and Ashlee Simpson’s appearance on last week’s episode of “Saturday Night Live.”
Recurring Characters: Tom Brokaw, Osama bin Laden.
Transcript
Montage
Kate Winslet’s MonologueSummary: Following last week’s Ashlee Simpson debacle, Kate Winslet sings and dances in order to prove that the show really is live.
Bio: Kate Winslet (1975-). Actress; often prefers to play “devilish damsels” on film rather than traditional starlet roles; films include “Titanic” (1997) and “Finding Neverland” (2004).
Rap NightSummary: Extremely overweight rapper Chubb Hottie (Horatio Sanz) welcomes singer/songwriter Norah Jones (Kate Winslet).
Recurring Characters: Chubb Hottie, DJ Sugar Shock.
Transcript
Mrs. Dr. FrankensteinSummary: Mrs. Dr. Frankenstein (Kate Winslet) builds her perfect man (Fred Armisen), who turns out to be a gay monster.
Recurring Characters: Frankenstein.
TV FunhouseSummary: Rob Smigel cartoon pokes fun of John McCain, who can’t bring himself to deliver a Bush campaign support speech.
Clinton’s EndorsementSummary: While helping out on his campaign, Bill Clinton (Darrell Hammond) receives greater praise than John Kerry (Seth Meyers).
Recurring Characters: John Kerry, Bruce Springsteen, Clarence Clemons, Teresa Heinz Kerry, Bill Clinton.
Eminem performs “Mosh”First Performed: 99c.
Weekend Update with Tina Fey & Amy PoehlerSummary: Seth Meyers and Johnny Damon are thrilled by the Red Sox’s World Series win. Will Forte belches out his favorite Halloween songs. After becoming a naturalized citizen of the United States, Diego (Fred Armisen) explores Democracy Plaza. Elton John (Horatio Sanz) comments on Ashlee Simpson’s lip-synching debacle.
Recurring Characters: Elton John.
Bio: Johnny Damon (1973-). Athlete; outfielder for the Boston Red Sox, 2002-05.
Kaitlin At The MallSummary: Kaitlin (Amy Poehler) begs her older cousin (Kate Winslet) to pierce her ears.
Recurring Characters: Kaitlin, Rick.
Eminem with Proof performs “Just Lose It”Bio: Proof (1973-2006). Rapper; appeared with Eminem in the film “8 Mile” (2002); shot to death outside a Detroit club after killing a military veteran.
Goodwin Wig & ToySummary: Glenda Goodwin (Maya Rudolph) only sells non-frightening Halloween costumes.
Recurring Characters: Glenda Goodwin.
Transcript
Election Map ColorsSummary: Prior to reporting election coverage, Tim Russert (Darrell Hammond) and Tom Brokaw (Chris Parnell) try to pick a neutral color to represent the uncounted states.
Recurring Characters: Tim Russert, Tom Brokaw.
GoodnightsTranscript
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Dress Rehearsal Cuts
Halloween InterventionSummary: Friends gather round at a Halloween party to helptheir heavy-drinking friend (Chris Parnell).
Fight Back with Victor RamosSummary: Victor Ramos (Horatio Sanz) shows a Chicago Transit Authority employee (Kate Winslet) the proper way to fight terrorism.
Note: This sketch will eventually air in next season’s episode hosted by Dane Cook.
DivorceSummary: Parents (Chris Parnell, Kate Winslet) struggle to find a way to break the news of their impending divorce to their children (Rachel Dratch, Amy Poehler, Will Forte).
Mexican FiestaSummary: Pitchman (Fred Armisen) promotes a Mexican spice that turns taco eaters into offensive Mexican stereotypes.
Its HappeningsSummary: Terrye Funck (Chris Parnell) hosts his cable access show from a low-rent buffet.
Recurring Characters: Terry Funcke.
John Kerry AdSummary: Women are eager to vote for John Kerry (Seth Meyers).
Recurring Characters: John Kerry.
Restraining OrderSummary: In a short film, a man (Scott Wainio) has a restraining order placed on him.
Bear CitySummary: Frustration culminates when a bear tries to get cigarettes from a gas station.
Note: This short film will air in the episode hosted by Paris Hilton.
Bear CitySummary: In high school, a boy bear’s friends embarrass him in front of a group of girl bears.
