SNL Transcripts: Luke Wilson: 11/20/04

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 30: Episode 6

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

November 20th, 2004

Luke Wilson




JB Smoove
The ApprenticeSummary: President George W. Bush (Will Forte) must fire Colin Powell (Finesse Mitchell), Donald Rumsfeld (Darrell Hammond) or Condoleeza Rice (Maya Rudiolph).

Recurring Characters: George W. Bush, Condoleeza Rice, Colin Powell, Donald Rumsfeld.



Luke Wilson’s MonologueSummary: Horatio Sanz pulls up in a motorized wheelchair and shows off cell phone pictures from his wild night out with Luke Wilson.

Bio: Luke Wilson (1971-). Actor; younger brother of actors Owen and Andrew; the trio starred together in Wes Anderson’s film short “Bottle Rocket” (1993), which was later expanded as a feature presentation in 1996.

Debbie DownerSummary: Debbie Downer’s (Rachel Dratch) pessimism ruins Thanksgiving this time.

Recurring Characters: Debbie Downer.


American Trainwreck AwardsSummary: Awards are distributed in celebration of pop icons’ greatest embarrassments.

Recurring Characters: Diana Ross, Anna Nicole Smith.

TV FunhouseSummary: In Rob Smigel’s cartoon, President Bush invents a de-gaying machine, which he haphazardly demonstrates on celebrities.

Note: Smigel’s cartoon was originally scheduled to appear in the Jude Law and Liam Neeson episodes, but was cut for time in both.

The RestaurantSummary: The relationship between two men (Rob Riggle, Luke Wilson) who have been best buddies since childhood has grown uncomfortably close.


U2 performs “Vertigo”First Performed: 00g.

Weekend Update with Tina Fey & Amy PoehlerSummary: Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (Darrell Hammond) wants to amend the Constitution. Toy manufacturer Dan Schwarz (Fred Armisen) uses Amy Poehler to demonstrate his new Bop-It toy.

Recurring Characters: Arnold Schwarzenegger.


Coolest Teacher At Benton Township High SchoolSummary: Mr. J (Seth Meyers) is the coolest teacher in school, but faces strong competition in his new rival, the laid-back Phil (Luke Wilson).


The FalconerSummary: The Falconer (Will Forte) and the Dogger (Luke Wilson) are trapped under a pile of rocks, and must rely on Donald and a dog to rescue them.

Recurring Characters: The Falconer.


U2 performs “Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own”

Business DrinkingSummary: While on a business trip, a trio of businessmen (Luke Wilson, Kenan Thompson, Seth Meyers) drink to excess.


GoodnightsNote: U2 performs “I Will Follow”, as Bono rubs against a women in the audience and Amy Poehler; they perform an additional song in the studio after the credits end.



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Mexican FiestaSummary: Pitchman (Fred Armisen) promotes a Mexican spice that turns taco eaters into offensive Mexican stereotypes.

ConstitutionSummary: Arnold Schwarzenegger (Darrell Hammond) discusses the Constitution.

Recurring Characters: Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The DirectorSummary: Film director (Luke Wilson) does a poor job overlooking a scene.

PLO MeetingSummary: Following Yasser Arafat’s death, PLO members (Luke Wilson, Fred Armisen, Seth Meyers, Horatio Sanz, Chris Parnell, Will Forte) scramble to choose his successor.

Bear CitySummary: In high school, a boy bear’s friends embarrass him in front of a group of girl bears.

Live with Regis & KellySummary: Kelly Ripa (Amy Poehler) interviews Dave Navarro (Luke Wilson) while Regis Philbin (Darrell Hammond) receives a makeover.

Recurring Characters: Regis Philbin, Kelly Ripa.

Bear CitySummary: Frustration culminates when a bear tries to get cigarettes from a gas station.

Note: This short film will air in the episode hosted by Paris Hilton.

McConaughey & HarrelsonSummary: Matthew McConaughey (Seth Meyers) and Woody Harrelson (Luke Wilson) stand in a pothole in the middle of the highway.

Britney FilmSummary: Alison Jackson’s film is a voyeuristic look at Britney Spears shopping in a drugstore while barefoot.

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