SNL Transcripts: Luke Wilson: 11/20/04


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 30: Episode 6

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

November 20th, 2004

Luke Wilson




JB Smoove
The ApprenticeSummary: President George W. Bush (Will Forte) must fire Colin Powell (Finesse Mitchell), Donald Rumsfeld (Darrell Hammond) or Condoleeza Rice (Maya Rudiolph).

Recurring Characters: George W. Bush, Condoleeza Rice, Colin Powell, Donald Rumsfeld.



Luke Wilson’s MonologueSummary: Horatio Sanz pulls up in a motorized wheelchair and shows off cell phone pictures from his wild night out with Luke Wilson.

Bio: Luke Wilson (1971-). Actor; younger brother of actors Owen and Andrew; the trio starred together in Wes Anderson’s film short “Bottle Rocket” (1993), which was later expanded as a feature presentation in 1996.

Debbie DownerSummary: Debbie Downer’s (Rachel Dratch) pessimism ruins Thanksgiving this time.

Recurring Characters: Debbie Downer.


American Trainwreck AwardsSummary: Awards are distributed in celebration of pop icons’ greatest embarrassments.

Recurring Characters: Diana Ross, Anna Nicole Smith.

TV FunhouseSummary: In Rob Smigel’s cartoon, President Bush invents a de-gaying machine, which he haphazardly demonstrates on celebrities.

Note: Smigel’s cartoon was originally scheduled to appear in the Jude Law and Liam Neeson episodes, but was cut for time in both.

The RestaurantSummary: The relationship between two men (Rob Riggle, Luke Wilson) who have been best buddies since childhood has grown uncomfortably close.


U2 performs “Vertigo”First Performed: 00g.

Weekend Update with Tina Fey & Amy PoehlerSummary: Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (Darrell Hammond) wants to amend the Constitution. Toy manufacturer Dan Schwarz (Fred Armisen) uses Amy Poehler to demonstrate his new Bop-It toy.

Recurring Characters: Arnold Schwarzenegger.


Coolest Teacher At Benton Township High SchoolSummary: Mr. J (Seth Meyers) is the coolest teacher in school, but faces strong competition in his new rival, the laid-back Phil (Luke Wilson).


The FalconerSummary: The Falconer (Will Forte) and the Dogger (Luke Wilson) are trapped under a pile of rocks, and must rely on Donald and a dog to rescue them.

Recurring Characters: The Falconer.


U2 performs “Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own”

Business DrinkingSummary: While on a business trip, a trio of businessmen (Luke Wilson, Kenan Thompson, Seth Meyers) drink to excess.


GoodnightsNote: U2 performs “I Will Follow”, as Bono rubs against a women in the audience and Amy Poehler; they perform an additional song in the studio after the credits end.



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Mexican FiestaSummary: Pitchman (Fred Armisen) promotes a Mexican spice that turns taco eaters into offensive Mexican stereotypes.

ConstitutionSummary: Arnold Schwarzenegger (Darrell Hammond) discusses the Constitution.

Recurring Characters: Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The DirectorSummary: Film director (Luke Wilson) does a poor job overlooking a scene.

PLO MeetingSummary: Following Yasser Arafat’s death, PLO members (Luke Wilson, Fred Armisen, Seth Meyers, Horatio Sanz, Chris Parnell, Will Forte) scramble to choose his successor.

Bear CitySummary: In high school, a boy bear’s friends embarrass him in front of a group of girl bears.

Live with Regis & KellySummary: Kelly Ripa (Amy Poehler) interviews Dave Navarro (Luke Wilson) while Regis Philbin (Darrell Hammond) receives a makeover.

Recurring Characters: Regis Philbin, Kelly Ripa.

Bear CitySummary: Frustration culminates when a bear tries to get cigarettes from a gas station.

Note: This short film will air in the episode hosted by Paris Hilton.

McConaughey & HarrelsonSummary: Matthew McConaughey (Seth Meyers) and Woody Harrelson (Luke Wilson) stand in a pothole in the middle of the highway.

Britney FilmSummary: Alison Jackson’s film is a voyeuristic look at Britney Spears shopping in a drugstore while barefoot.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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