Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 30: Episode 7
04g: Colin Farrell / Scissor Sisters
Pat N Pattis Slacks, Snacks, & Knick Knack Shack
Pat Sylviak…..Horatio Sanz
Patti Sylviak…..Maya Rudolph
Zack Kakinsakis…..Colin Farrell
Pat: How many times has this happened? Youre shopping for slacks and smack you have a snack attack. But after you get your snack you have to backtrack to the shack that sells knick knacks.
Patti: How would you react if we told you that now you can get your slacks, snacks and knick knacks all in one shack?
Pat: Hi, Im Pat Sylviak.
Patti: And Im Patti Sylviak. And were the owners of Pat N Pattis Slacks, Snacks and Knick Knack Shack. So if youre looking for all of that youre on the right track.
Pat: Let us show you some of our slacks. We have em in black. Just listen to our stock boy, Zack Kakinsakis.
Zack: Hi, Pat and Patti.
Pat and Patti: Hi, Zack.
Patti: You want to get in on the act?
Zack: I do, as a matter of fact. You might think Im whack, but I could spend all afternoon looking at this fantastic rack of slacks. All our slacks have elastic waistbands intact. And look at that. Snap, snap, snap. This backflap tacks back just like that. And all our slacks come in black, khaki, lilac, and blue. Im sorry, thats blue-black, Pat. Look at that! And across the back of this slack, the union jack. Look at that!
Patti: Zack, I gotta ask do these slacks make my back end look fat?
Zack: Let me tell you something, Aunt Pat, your ass in those slacks is where its at.
Patti: Watch it Zack, youre gonna get a smack.
Pat: I better get a snack.
Zack: We got cracker jacks, cheesy mac, tic tacs, and mini stacks of Monterey jack.
Pat: Hey guys, how about I show you some knick knacks? Candles made of beeswax with signs of the zodiac.
Patti: Hand-crafted welcome mats with rubber backs.
Zack: And dont forget this vintage hand-shellacked plaque of Fleetwood Mac.
Patti: Oh no, dont sell that! Keep that in the back with my blacklight poster of Roberta Flack.
Pat: And dont forget to put your John Hancock on this card were sending with a sack of slacks to the troops in Iraq.
Patti: And this week relax, no tax. And now shop on-line at http://www.patnpattisslackssnacksandknickknacks@patnpattisbackpackshack.ack
Pat: What do you say to that Zack?
Zack: What are you, jacked up on crack? Make tracks down to Pat N Pattis Slacks, Snacks and Knick Knack Shack.
[Music and singing]
Pat, Patti, and Zack:
“Slacks, snacks and knick knacks
Come to Pat N Pattis Slacks, Snacks and Knick Knack Shack.”
Patti and Zack: At Pat N Pattis
Pat: Slack, slack, slacks.
Patti and Zack: At Pat N Pattis
Pat: Snack, snack, snacks.
Pat, Patti, and Zack: Pat N Pattis Slacks, Snacks and Knick Knack Shack!
Zack: Babys got slacks!
Narrator: Pat N Pattis Slacks, Snacks and Knick Knack Shack. Right next to Kowansak Cadillac. Where Cermack meets Tamarac.
Submitted by: Santiago Edison
