SNL Transcripts: Robert De Niro: 12/18/04: Season’s Greetings From “Saturday Night Live”


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 30: Episode 8

04h: Robert De Niro / Destiny’s Child

Season’s Greetings From “Saturday Night Live”

…..Horatio Sanz
…..Kermit the Frog (Muppeteer: Steve Whitmire)
…..Fozzie Bear (Muppeteer: Eric Jacobson)
…..The Great Gonzo (Muppeteer: Dave Goelz)
…..Animal (Muppeteer: David Rudman)

Don Pardo: And now a very special Christmas treat from all of us at “Saturday Night Live”.

[show Horatio Sanz all dressed in red. Horatio is playing a lute, standing by a short brick wall, as jingle bells and drum beat plays in the background. ]

Horatio Sanz: One… Two… One- Two- Three…

[Horatio signals to stop the music. The music stops.]

Horatio Sanz: Jimmy? Tracy? Kattan? Guys?

[ Kermit enters, wearing a Christmas sweater and Ssanta hat]

Kermit: Horatio, is something wrong? Can I help?

Horatio Sanz: Oh, hi Kermit.

Kermit: Hi there.

Horatio Sanz: Oh, I’m just a little blue, cause there’s no one here to sing my Christmas song with me.

Kermit: Oh my guys can do it! Right guys?

[Fozzie, Animal, and Gonzo enter dressed in red Christmas sweaters. Animal is caring a keyboard with a built-in drum machine. ]

Fozzie and Gonzo: Yeah. Sure. Sure.

Horatio Sanz: You guys…you guys know my Christmas song?

Kermit: Yeah.

Gonzo: Yeah, of course we know your song. You’ve sung it like three times a year for the past four years.

Fozzie: Yeah, I mean even Hans and Franz changed a few lines once and a while.

Animal: Hans and Franz! Hans and Franz! Hans and Frans! Ahh-ha-ha-ha…

Horatio Sanz: Wow, you guys are really going to sing my song with me?

Kermit: Oh sure we would. You ready, guys?

Fozzie and Gonzo: Oh Yeah. Yeah.

Kermit: All right, hit it!

[drums, and bells begin again]

Horatio Sanz: One…

Fozzie: Two…

Horatio Sanz: One-

Fozzie: Two-

Horatio Sanz: Three-

Fozzie: Four!

[ they start playing. Snow starts to fall.]

Horatio Sanz: “I don’t care what your momma says, Christmas time is nee-ear!

Fozzie: “I don’t care what your papa says, Christmas will soon be here!”

Horatio Sanz: “All I know is that Santa’s Claus don’t care about breaking no flying laws.

Fozzie: “He brings toys to boys and girls.

Horatio Sanz: “In every nook and cranny in this crazy old world.

Fozzie: Yeah!

Horatio, Kermit, Fozzie, and Gonzo:
I wish it was Christmas todaa-ay!
I wish it was Christmas todaa-ay!

Kermit: Get down!

Horatio Sanz: “I don’t care what anybody says cause Christmas time is dee-ear!

Gonzo: “I don’t care what anyone says-Christmas is full of chee-eer!

Fozzie and Horatio: “I don’t care about the five o’clock news. I don’t care if our lights blow out a fuse. I wish it was Christmas todaa-ay, in the good old U. S. of A!

Horatio, Kermit, Fozzie, and Gonzo: “I wish it was Christmas todaa-ay!

Gonzo: Whoo!

Kermit: Ahh, play it!

Animal: Christmas! Christmas!

Kermit: Yeah!

[ they stop playing, and bow to the audience ]

Submitted by: GelflingWaldo

SNL Transcripts

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 5 / 5. Vote count: 1

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x