SNL Transcripts: Robert De Niro: 12/18/04: Woomba


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 30: Episode 8

04h: Robert De Niro / Destiny’s Child


Woman 1….Maya Rudolph
Woman 2….Rachel Dratch
Woman 3….Amy Poehler
Woman 4….Tina Fey

[Opens with a woman sitting by her fireplace, reading a book]

Woman 1: When I feel fresh, I feel confident.

[Cut to a woman brushing her hair, getting ready for bed]

Woman 2: When I feel clean, that’s when I’m at my best.

[Cut to a woman cooking, rolling dough]

Woman 3: My life is hectic enough. I don’t have time to worry about feeling refreshed.

[A woman wearing a bathrobe sits on the edge of her bathtub looking at herself in a mirror]

Announcer: All around the country thousands of women are discovering the next generation of freshness with Woomba. New–from the makers of Roomba.

[Shot of a circular, pink, plastic disc with a few buttons on it] [Whirring]

Woomba: [robotic voice] Ready, ready.

[Woomba crawls up the lady in the bathrobe’s leg into her crotch]

Announcer: The first completely robotic feminine hygiene product.

Woomba: [robotic voice] Ready, ready.

Woman 4: Woomba. Its a robot and it cleans my business, my lady business. And I like that.

Announcer: Woomba is a small disc-like object that takes care of all of your feminine-hygiene needs. Activate Woomba and it does the rest. Woomba’s built in sensors can tell when you’re not at your freshest and that’s when Woomba goes to work. Its gentle but powerful onboard cleaning agents assure results every time.

[Woomba whirrs. It climbs into the bed of Woman 2. It travels under the covers right into her crotch. She jumps up]

Woomba: [robotic voice]Ready, ready.

Woman 2: Ah!

[Cut to Woman 3 rolling dough in the kitchen]

Announcer: Once Woomba is activated it is entirely self-sufficient. It cannot be turned off.

[Woomba crawls up the pant leg of Woman 3. She tries to shake it loose]

Woomba: [robotic voice] Ready, ready.

[Woomba is going crazy, back and forth, banging into the wall]

Announcer: Woomba will address your feminine hygiene needs whenever and wherever it thinks its best. That’s the confidence you get from Woomba.

[Woman 1 runs through the woods in slow-motion] [Woomba is running after her in hot pursuit] [Woman 1 looks back to the Woomba disc chasing her with a worried look on her face] [Shot of Woomba disc] [Woman 4 holds up the Woomba disc]

Woman 4: Woomba—the little pink robot that cleans your noony.

Announcer: From the makers of Roomba


Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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