SNL Transcripts: Topher Grace: 01/15/05


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 30: Episode 9

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

January 15th, 2005

Topher Grace

The Killers



John Lutz

Jason Sudeikis

JB Smoove

Paula Pell

Liz Cackowski
White House Press ConferenceSummary: President George W. Bush’s (Will Forte) questions are fielded by former presidents Bill Clinton (Darrell Hammond) and George Bush, Sr. (Fred Armisen).

Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George Bush.



Topher Grace’s MonologueSummary: When Topher Grace receives the dumb-questions-from-studio-audience treatment, he thinks he’s being ‘punked.

Recurring Characters: Terrell, Terrell’ Wife.

Bio: Topher Grace (1978-). Actor; his first acting role was as Eric Forman on “That 70’s Show”, 1998-2006; his real first name is Christopher, but he changed it because he didn’t like being nicknamed “Chris”.


Trucker TalkSummary: While on the road, truckers discuss the Brad Pitt-Jennifer Aniston break-up over their CB radios.

Recurring Characters: Skeeter.


Martin Luther King DaySummary: Lazy black paramedics (Kenan Thompson, Finesse Mitchell) refuse to work on their special day.


CBS Evening Fraudulent Document UpdateSummary: Dan Rather (Darrell Hammond) apologizes for a series of fraudulent documents he had errantly reproted as fact.

Recurring Characters: Dan Rather.


Beaver RanchSummary: Tyler (Topher Grace) loses his virginity to elderly prostitute, Dot (Rachel Dratch), and learns a valuable life lesson.

The Killers perform “Somebody Told Me”Bio: Alternative rock group; members: vocal/keyboardist Brandon Flowers, guitarist David Keuning, bassist Mark Stoermer, and drummer Ronnie Vannucci.

Also Performed: 06a.

Weekend Update with Tina Fey & Amy PoehlerSummary: In honor of Martin Luther King Day, Weekend Update recognizes the fictional Cliff (Kenan Thompson) and Clair Huxtable (Maya Rudolph) as positive role models in the African-American community.


Artsy ApartmentSummary: Nuni (Fred Armisen) and Nuni (Maya Rudolph) – whose names are the same but have different pronunciations – show off the weird furniture in their apartment to their neighbors (Topher Grace, Rachel Dratch).

Recurring Characters: Nuni, Nuni, Tato.


HardballSummary: Zell Miller (Will Forte) yells about the tsunamis.

Recurring Characters: Chris Matthews, Howard Dean, Zell Miller.

The Not So Incredible Adventures Of The Down And Out DollarSummary: After a drop in value, the dollar bill (Amy Poehler) takes a lot of flak from the foreign currencies she once dominated over.


The Killers perform “Mr. Brightside”



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Doctor’s OfficeSummary: A young doctor (Topher Grace) acts immature while discussing heart surgery with his patients (Chris Parnell, Maya Rudolph).

Bear CitySummary: In a pinch, a bear uses the handicapped toilet, only to be confronted by a bear in a wheelchair.

Note: This short film will air in the episode hosted by David Spade.

One Night StandSummary: Man (Topher Grace) and woman (Amy Poehler) try to make small talk the next morning after their one night stand.

Gibson StudiosSummary: Bill Kurtis (Darrell Hammond) records various A&E show promos.

Note: This sketch will later air in the episode hosted by Jason Bateman.

Bear CitySummary: Frustration culminates when a bear tries to get cigarettes from a gas station.

Note: This short film will air in the episode hosted by Paris Hilton.

Rafael Alonzo’s I.T.F. Technical Computer InstituteSummary: Rafael Alonzo (Fred Armisen) teaches simple computer technology.

Note: This sketch will later air in the episode hosted by Paris Hilton.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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