SNL Transcripts: Paul Giamatti: 01/22/05


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 30: Episode 10

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


January 22nd, 2005

Paul Giamatti

Ludacris with Sum-41


The Bush TwinsSummary: Alone in their room after the Inauguration, twins Jenna (Amy Poehler) and Barbara Bush (Tina Fey) speak in non-sequiters.

Recurring Characters: Jenna Bush, President George W. Bush, Dick Cheney.



Paul Giamatti’s MonologueSummary: Payched to be hosting SNL, Paul Giamatti tells the audience about his recent experiences at The Golden Globes.

Bio: Paul Giamatti (1967-). Actor; portrayed “Pig Vomit” in “Howard Stern’s Private Parts” (1997); received a Golden Globe nomination this year for his performance in “Sideways” (2004).


Rice Confirmation HearingSummary: Sen. Barbara Boxer (Amy Poehler) calls Condoleeza Rice (Maya Rudolph) on her numerous lies.

Recurring Characters: Condoleeza Rice, John Kerry.


GaystrogenSummary: The all-natural pill prevents middle-aged homosexuals from losing their gay sex drive.

Note: Repeat from 03c.

Limo RideSummary: Golden Globes limo driver (Finesse Mitchell) mistakes Paul Giamatti for Rob Schneider.

KaitlinSummary: Kaitlin (Amy Poehler) wants to play the drums at her Uncle Chas’ (Paul Giamatti) music store.

Recurring Characters: Kaitlin, Rick.


Ludacris featuring Sum-41 performs “Get Back”Bio: Ludacris (1977-). Hip hop artist; real name: Chris Bridges; also acted in Oscar-winning films “Hustle & Flow” (2005) and “Crash” (2005).

Also Performed: 06f.

Hosted: 06f.

Cameos: 03r.

Sum-41 First Performed: 01b.

Weekend Update with Tina Fey & Amy PoehlerSummary: Rachel Dratch reports on the winter blizzard in sub-zero weather. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (Darrell Hammond) comments on California’s first public execution in three years.

Recurring Characters: Arnold Schwarzenegger.


Variety VaultSummary: A presentation of the unaired “Lundford Twins (Fred Armisen, Paul Giamatti) Feel Good Variety Hour” from the 70’s.

Reinhold InvestmentsSummary: Woeful office executive Andy (Will Forte) continually yells out, “Oh, no!”

Recurring Characters: Andy.

Ludacris & Sum-41 perform “Number One Spot”

Spy GlassSummary: More British celebrity gossip, courtesy of Ian Gerrard (Seth Meyers) and Zoe Anderton (Amy Poehler).

Recurring Characters: Ian Gerrard, Zoe Anderton, Gene Shalit.


Franklin the CatSummary: After a night out with a new suitor (Paul Giamatti), Phoebe (Rachel Dratch) brings introduces him to her giant cat, Franklin (Fred Armisen).

Recurring Characters: Phoebe.



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Children’s PartySummary: Musicians (Horatio Sanz, Paul Giamatti) perform inappropiate songs at a children’s party.

Bear CitySummary: In a pinch, a bear uses the handicapped toilet, only to be confronted by a bear in a wheelchair.

Note: This short film will air in the episode hosted by David Spade.

Bag BoysSummary: A bag boy (Seth Meyers) quits his job at the supermarket after winning the lottery.

Bear CitySummary: In high school, a boy bear’s friends embarrass him in front of a group of girl bears.

Rafael Alonzo’s I.T.F. Technical Computer InstituteSummary: Rafael Alonzo (Fred Armisen) teaches simple computer technology.

Note: This sketch will later air in the episode hosted by Paris Hilton.

Surprise PartySummary: After being caught off guard by her surprise party, a woman (Maya Rudolph) is unable to speak.

Bear CitySummary: Frustration culminates when a bear tries to get cigarettes from a gas station.

Note: This short film will air in the episode hosted by Paris Hilton.

SubwaySummary: Jared the Subway Guy (Paul Giamatti) announces his wife (Rachel Dratch) with free Subway coupons.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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