SNL Transcripts: Paul Giamatti: 01/22/05

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 30: Episode 10


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


January 22nd, 2005

Paul Giamatti

Ludacris with Sum-41

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The Bush TwinsSummary: Alone in their room after the Inauguration, twins Jenna (Amy Poehler) and Barbara Bush (Tina Fey) speak in non-sequiters.

Recurring Characters: Jenna Bush, President George W. Bush, Dick Cheney.

Transcript

Montage

Paul Giamatti’s MonologueSummary: Payched to be hosting SNL, Paul Giamatti tells the audience about his recent experiences at The Golden Globes.

Bio: Paul Giamatti (1967-). Actor; portrayed “Pig Vomit” in “Howard Stern’s Private Parts” (1997); received a Golden Globe nomination this year for his performance in “Sideways” (2004).

Transcript

Rice Confirmation HearingSummary: Sen. Barbara Boxer (Amy Poehler) calls Condoleeza Rice (Maya Rudolph) on her numerous lies.

Recurring Characters: Condoleeza Rice, John Kerry.

Transcript

GaystrogenSummary: The all-natural pill prevents middle-aged homosexuals from losing their gay sex drive.

Note: Repeat from 03c.

Limo RideSummary: Golden Globes limo driver (Finesse Mitchell) mistakes Paul Giamatti for Rob Schneider.

KaitlinSummary: Kaitlin (Amy Poehler) wants to play the drums at her Uncle Chas’ (Paul Giamatti) music store.

Recurring Characters: Kaitlin, Rick.

Transcript

Ludacris featuring Sum-41 performs “Get Back”Bio: Ludacris (1977-). Hip hop artist; real name: Chris Bridges; also acted in Oscar-winning films “Hustle & Flow” (2005) and “Crash” (2005).

Also Performed: 06f.

Hosted: 06f.

Cameos: 03r.

Sum-41 First Performed: 01b.

Weekend Update with Tina Fey & Amy PoehlerSummary: Rachel Dratch reports on the winter blizzard in sub-zero weather. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (Darrell Hammond) comments on California’s first public execution in three years.

Recurring Characters: Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Transcript

Variety VaultSummary: A presentation of the unaired “Lundford Twins (Fred Armisen, Paul Giamatti) Feel Good Variety Hour” from the 70’s.

Reinhold InvestmentsSummary: Woeful office executive Andy (Will Forte) continually yells out, “Oh, no!”

Recurring Characters: Andy.

Ludacris & Sum-41 perform “Number One Spot”

Spy GlassSummary: More British celebrity gossip, courtesy of Ian Gerrard (Seth Meyers) and Zoe Anderton (Amy Poehler).

Recurring Characters: Ian Gerrard, Zoe Anderton, Gene Shalit.

Transcript

Franklin the CatSummary: After a night out with a new suitor (Paul Giamatti), Phoebe (Rachel Dratch) brings introduces him to her giant cat, Franklin (Fred Armisen).

Recurring Characters: Phoebe.

GoodnightsTranscript

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Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Children’s PartySummary: Musicians (Horatio Sanz, Paul Giamatti) perform inappropiate songs at a children’s party.

Bear CitySummary: In a pinch, a bear uses the handicapped toilet, only to be confronted by a bear in a wheelchair.

Note: This short film will air in the episode hosted by David Spade.

Bag BoysSummary: A bag boy (Seth Meyers) quits his job at the supermarket after winning the lottery.

Bear CitySummary: In high school, a boy bear’s friends embarrass him in front of a group of girl bears.

Rafael Alonzo’s I.T.F. Technical Computer InstituteSummary: Rafael Alonzo (Fred Armisen) teaches simple computer technology.

Note: This sketch will later air in the episode hosted by Paris Hilton.

Surprise PartySummary: After being caught off guard by her surprise party, a woman (Maya Rudolph) is unable to speak.

Bear CitySummary: Frustration culminates when a bear tries to get cigarettes from a gas station.

Note: This short film will air in the episode hosted by Paris Hilton.

SubwaySummary: Jared the Subway Guy (Paul Giamatti) announces his wife (Rachel Dratch) with free Subway coupons.

SNL Transcripts