Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 30: Episode 11
Narrator V/O: When a meteor hit outside the city of Centerville, a mysterious and visible cloud covered the town, forcing the citizens to flee underground.[ show townspeople running into a barn-like structure ]
Narrator V/O: In this mysterious, visible cloud was a chemical that enabled bears —[ show a bear squat in the woods, as the image dissolves into a similar pose of the bear sitting on a toilet inside of a house ]
Narrator V/O: — to evolve an fill the void left by humans.
Narrator V/O: And, within two weeks, they had established.. Bear City.
Jingle: “Bear City. Bear, Bear City.”[ show the bears interacting like humans — stepping out of elevators, rading newspapers, etc. ]
Narrator V/O: Although they couldn’t talk, the bears went about their lives just like Man had done.
Narrator V/O: The only humans left in Bear City were two brave children —[ the bears swarm in for the kill ]
Narrator V/O: And they were quickly eaten — by bears.
Jingle: “Bear City. Bear, Bear City.”
Narrator V/O: Tonight: “Buying a Pack of Smokes.”[ fade up on the exterior of a Chevron gas station, as a Bear in a busniess suit parks his SUV, activates the alarm, and approaches the convenience counter. The Bear grunts at a second bear who’s leaving the counter. ] [ the coutner is manned by a Panda Bear, who acknowledges the Bear’s growl by facing the cigarette wall ] [ the Bear is displeased; the Panda Bear has pointed to the wrong brand of cigarettes. The Bear growls his request again; the Panda Bear still gets it wrong, and the two argue the matter for quite some time – often with arms surrendered in the air – until the Panda Bear finally grabs the correct brand of cigarettes. ] [ the Bear grabs his pack of cigarettes and pays for them, then gives the Panda Bear a dirty look before exiting the convenience area. The Panda Bear looks at the camera to acknowledge that he thinks the Bear is an idiot, too. ]
Narrator V/O: Thanks for visiting Bear City.[ dissolve to title card: “Written and Directed by T. Sean Shannon” ] [ fade ]