SNL Transcripts: Paris Hilton: 02/05/05: II


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 30: Episode 11

04k: Paris Hilton / Keane II

Paul….Seth Meyers
Paul’s wife….Amy Poehler
Gary B. Anthony….Chris Parnell

Announcer: Now an important message from [Gary’s voice]

[Opens with the yuppie couple sitting on chaise lounge chairs on the beach taking a little sun. A waiter brings them drinks. Their two children are playing in the sand and their skin is red-hot from too much sun.]

Paul: We love to encourage our children to read but with children’s books costing $10 to $15 each, its just not worth it.

[Cut to Gary]

Gary B. Anthony: I couldn’t agree more.

Caption: Gary B. Anthony. CEO

Gary B. Anthony: But what about a beloved children’s classic beautifully illustrated, educational and only 8 cents? Why 8 cents? This edition of “Baby’s first speller”[Cover of the book] due to a typesetting malfunction and some sloppy proofreading is literally riddled with spelling errors but, come on, 8 cents!

[Book is on the letters B and C. Batt= bat, Bpd=bed, Bul=bull. Catt=cat, Cpu= cup, C!5q]

Gary B. Anthony: You see, at we’re about one thing—saving you money.

[Paul and his wife are on a plane flying First Class. Champagne is served to them.]

Wife: Should I go back to Coach and check on them?

[Paul lowers his expensive shades and looks at her]

Paul: You were just back there 2 hours ago. They’re fine.

[Camera pans to the curtain separating First Class from Coach. We can hear the children crying.]

Child’s Voice: Mommy!

Gary B. Anthony: Because when it comes to your children, why pay more?

Caption: When it comes to your children, why pay more?


Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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