SNL Transcripts: Paris Hilton: 02/05/05: II

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 30: Episode 11

04k: Paris Hilton / Keane II

Paul….Seth Meyers
Paul’s wife….Amy Poehler
Gary B. Anthony….Chris Parnell

Announcer: Now an important message from [Gary’s voice]

[Opens with the yuppie couple sitting on chaise lounge chairs on the beach taking a little sun. A waiter brings them drinks. Their two children are playing in the sand and their skin is red-hot from too much sun.]

Paul: We love to encourage our children to read but with children’s books costing $10 to $15 each, its just not worth it.

[Cut to Gary]

Gary B. Anthony: I couldn’t agree more.

Caption: Gary B. Anthony. CEO

Gary B. Anthony: But what about a beloved children’s classic beautifully illustrated, educational and only 8 cents? Why 8 cents? This edition of “Baby’s first speller”[Cover of the book] due to a typesetting malfunction and some sloppy proofreading is literally riddled with spelling errors but, come on, 8 cents!

[Book is on the letters B and C. Batt= bat, Bpd=bed, Bul=bull. Catt=cat, Cpu= cup, C!5q]

Gary B. Anthony: You see, at we’re about one thing—saving you money.

[Paul and his wife are on a plane flying First Class. Champagne is served to them.]

Wife: Should I go back to Coach and check on them?

[Paul lowers his expensive shades and looks at her]

Paul: You were just back there 2 hours ago. They’re fine.

[Camera pans to the curtain separating First Class from Coach. We can hear the children crying.]

Child’s Voice: Mommy!

Gary B. Anthony: Because when it comes to your children, why pay more?

Caption: When it comes to your children, why pay more?


Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

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