Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 30: Episode 11
Rafael Alonzo’s I.T.F. Technical Computer Institute
Rafael Alonzo…..Fred Armisen
Man #1…..Finesse Mitchell
Man #2…..Rob Riggle
Russian Woman…..Maya Rudolph
[open on interior of a diner]
Woman: Put your wallet away, Marcus. This time, I’m going to buy lunch. [pulls a purse full of money from under the table]
Marcus: Since when do you have so much money?
Woman: Since I got hired by a top-of-the-line company for my computer skills.
Marcus: When did you learn computer skills?
Woman: At Rafael Alonzo’s I.T.F. Technical Computer Institute. Now I have a career.
Rafael: Do you want to get a high-paying job? Do you want to be qualified? Then you have to learn computers! [wipe to exterior of Rafael Alonzo’s I.T.F. Technical Computer Institute, voice over continues] At the I.T.F. Technical Computer Institute you will learn all the things necessary to make it in the business world. [dissolve to interior, with Rafael Alonzo on screen with two male students at terminals] At I.T.F., you will learn everything about computers. Things like: [listed items appear on screen as titles] Computer Skills, Computer Screens, Computer Fixing, How to do Computers, Computer Typing Using a Computer Keyboard, Computer Maintenance, Computer Password, Printer, Computer E-Mail, Mouse, Learning About the Computer.[dissolve to Russian woman sitting at terminal]
Russian Woman: I’m from Russia. I did not learn computers until I am here. Now I’m having so many jobs. Thank you, I.T.F. [makes “okay” sign with fingers]
Rafael: You have to learn computers! At I.T.F., you will learn computer things, like: [listed items appear on screen as titles] Computer Wires, Computer Screensavers, Where to Put the Computer, Web, Computer Desks, Computer Downloading, Font, Computer Speakers, Carrying the Computer, Computer Classes, Computer Boxes.
Woman: All my jobs used to pay me little to no money. Rafael Alonzo’s I.T.F. Technical Institute changed all that. Now the bosses are paying me constantly. I can buy anything: lunches, dresses, gloves, earrings, purses, you name it.
Rafael: You have to learn computers![everyone seen in the commercial now appears in the diner]
All: We all did!
Russian Woman: We all did! [a beat after all others] [wipe to exterior of Rafael Alonzo’s I.T.F. Technical Computer Institute with title: “1-800-555-0199”]
Rafael: [voice over] Call 1-800-555-0199. Rafael Alonzo’s I.T.F. Technical Institute does not have a website.
Submitted by: DavidK93