SNL Transcripts: Paris Hilton: 02/05/05: Rafael Alonzo’s I.T.F. Technical Computer Institute



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 30: Episode 11



04k: Paris Hilton / Keane

Rafael Alonzo’s I.T.F. Technical Computer Institute

Woman…..Paris Hilton
Marcus…..Kenan Thompson
Rafael Alonzo…..Fred Armisen
Man #1…..Finesse Mitchell
Man #2…..Rob Riggle
Russian Woman…..Maya Rudolph

[open on interior of a diner]

Woman: Put your wallet away, Marcus. This time, I’m going to buy lunch. [pulls a purse full of money from under the table]

Marcus: Since when do you have so much money?

Woman: Since I got hired by a top-of-the-line company for my computer skills.

Marcus: When did you learn computer skills?

Woman: At Rafael Alonzo’s I.T.F. Technical Computer Institute. Now I have a career.

Rafael: Do you want to get a high-paying job? Do you want to be qualified? Then you have to learn computers! [wipe to exterior of Rafael Alonzo’s I.T.F. Technical Computer Institute, voice over continues] At the I.T.F. Technical Computer Institute you will learn all the things necessary to make it in the business world. [dissolve to interior, with Rafael Alonzo on screen with two male students at terminals] At I.T.F., you will learn everything about computers. Things like: [listed items appear on screen as titles] Computer Skills, Computer Screens, Computer Fixing, How to do Computers, Computer Typing Using a Computer Keyboard, Computer Maintenance, Computer Password, Printer, Computer E-Mail, Mouse, Learning About the Computer.

[dissolve to Russian woman sitting at terminal]

Russian Woman: I’m from Russia. I did not learn computers until I am here. Now I’m having so many jobs. Thank you, I.T.F. [makes “okay” sign with fingers]

Rafael: You have to learn computers! At I.T.F., you will learn computer things, like: [listed items appear on screen as titles] Computer Wires, Computer Screensavers, Where to Put the Computer, Web, Computer Desks, Computer Downloading, Font, Computer Speakers, Carrying the Computer, Computer Classes, Computer Boxes.

Woman: All my jobs used to pay me little to no money. Rafael Alonzo’s I.T.F. Technical Institute changed all that. Now the bosses are paying me constantly. I can buy anything: lunches, dresses, gloves, earrings, purses, you name it.

Rafael: You have to learn computers!

[everyone seen in the commercial now appears in the diner]

All: We all did!

Russian Woman: We all did! [a beat after all others] [wipe to exterior of Rafael Alonzo’s I.T.F. Technical Computer Institute with title: “1-800-555-0199”]

Rafael: [voice over] Call 1-800-555-0199. Rafael Alonzo’s I.T.F. Technical Institute does not have a website.

Submitted by: DavidK93

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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