Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 30: Episode 12
Man #1/Match…..Horatio Sanz
Man #2/Match…..Kenan Thompson
Man #3/Match…..Rob Riggle
Dr. Terry McQuarren…..Will Forte
Gay Men…..Seth Meyers
[ open on Man #1 ]
Man #1: I tried online dating. But I never found anyone who liked me for me.[ cut to Woman ]
Woman: My friends tell me I’m too picky.[ cut to Man #2 ]
Man #2: I need to find someone who realizes how great I am.
Man #3: I’m a catch. Women like me. But when I tried other dating services, they could never find anyone good enough for me.[ cut to Dr. Terry McQuarren ]
Dr. Terry McQuarren: Hi. I’m Dr. Terry McQuarren, founder of Me-Harmony.com. When you sign up at Me-Harmony, we only ask you questions about your favorite subject – you.[ cut to Man #1 and his femininely-dressed identical match ]
Man #1: I can’t believe how lucky I am! Sondra and I finish each other’s thoughts!
Match: And we finish each other’s sentences! It’s amazing![ cut to Man #3 being hugged from behind by his femininely-dressed identical match ]
Match: He treats me exactly the way I want and deserve to be treated.[ cut to Woman standing side-by-side with her masculinely-dressed identical match ]
Woman: I don’t know where I end and he starts.
Match: I have never.. been so attracted to someone on every level.[ cut to Man #2 standing next to his femininely-dressed identical match ]
Man #2: I didn’t think it was possible to find someone who loves me as much as I love me! But I found her!
Match: You should see people stare at us when we walk down the street! They’re jealous![ they both laugh ] [ cut to Dr. Terry McQuarren ]
Dr. Terry McQuarren: Don’t you deserve the perfect match? [ his perfect match steps next to him and smiles ] At Me-Harmony, we guarantee you someone who is exactly like you – but with different sexual organs.[ cut to Man #2 and his match kissing ]
Together: Thank you, Me-Harmony![ cut to Dr. Terry McQuarren ]
Dr. Terry McQuarren: And, for alternative lifestyles, visit He-Harmony.com.
Gay Men: Thank you, He-Harmony![ fade ]