SNL Transcripts: Ashton Kutcher: 03/19/05: Federline

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 30: Episode 15

04o: Ashton Kutcher / Gwen Stefani

Federline

Kevin Federline…..Ashton Kutcher
V/O…..Maya Rudolph

V/O: Britney Spears’ husband, Kevin Federline.

[Shot of Kevin Federline sprawled out on bed, all shot in black and white like a Calvin Klein commercial]

Kevin Federline: Federline, yo.

[shot of thumbs pulling on underwear band showing “Federline” ]

Kevin Federline: I look like I might stink, yo. But I don’t.

[Kevin smells own armpit]

Kevin Federline: Come over here. Check it.

[Thumbs pulling on underwear band again]

Kevin Federline: Federline, yo.

[Kevin picks up Us Magazine]

Kevin Federline: I’m in a lot of these. You jealous? [whispers] I think so.

[Kevin rolls around on bed]

Kevin Federline: Federline, yo.

[Kevin rolls over on bed]

Kevin Federline: I’m bustin’ out; doin’ my own thing. Just don’t tell Britney, yo.

[Thumbs pulling on underwear band again]

Kevin Federline: Federline, yo. Britney thinks I look best in my underwear.

[Shot of underwear packaging]

Kevin Federline: By the way, Britney keeps her underwear over there.

[shot of underwear on bedpost]

Kevin Federline: And over here.

[shot of undewear on lamp]

Kevin Federline: And over there in that big pile.

[shot of big pile of underwear on the floor]

Kevin Federline: Most of the time she keeps them in my mouth. Just kidding. No I’m not. [looks down] Yes I am. [looks up] No I’m not. [looks down] Yes I am. [looks up] I’m flippin’, yo.

[Girl in underwear walks in to shot, Kevin looks at her and back at camera]

Kevin Federline: I might be in trouble, yo.

[Shot of underwear packaging]

V/O: Britney Spears’ husband Kevin Federline for Federline Briefs. Man panties for wiggers.

Submitted by: Scott L.

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