SNL Transcripts: Johnny Knoxville: 05/07/05: Domino’s Pizza Promo

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 30: Episode 18

04r: Johnny Knoxville / System of a Down

Domino’s Pizza Promo

Voice of Director…..Seth Meyers
Donald Trump…..Darrell Hammond

Director: Okay, Mr. Trump, I just need you to stand on your mark.

(Donald Trump enters, dressed as a slice of pizza)

Trump: Okay. We really have to crank this thing out Speedy Gonzalez style because tonight Melana and I are going to be photographed semi-nude in a bubble bath for Women’s World Magazine.

Director: That’s great, Mr. Trump. Now this is gonna be the tag for the end of your new Domino’s commercial.

Trump: The minute I mentioned cheeseburger pizza on The Apprentice, sales went through the roof. I’m talking millions and millions of dollars. Personally, I think it’s the highest quality of the low-quality pizzas.

Director: Alright. So, uh, let’s try shooting this.

Trump: I’d rather just try shooting this.

Director: Fair enough. And…action!

Trump: When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, say cheese…burger pizza, only from Dominio’s.

Director: And cut. That was really good Mr. Trump. Except this time instead of Dominio’s, maybe say Domino’s, you know, like the game.

Trump: I’ll do that for you and that way you’ll have some choices to futz with in the tech booth.

Director: Thanks for that. Okay, so let’s just pick it up at, uh, at “Say Cheese”. And…action!

Trump: Say cheese…burger pizza only from Dominios, like the game.

Director: Cut. Okay that was great, except for-

Trump: That was great. Keep rolling because I’m gonna wing one now right off the cuff, Robin Williams style. And…action. Geez Louise, I’m hungry. Hey wait – I’m a slice of cheeseburger pizza from Dominios, like the game. (Laughter. Pause.) Do do do doodoo, Dominios. The Apprentice.

Director: What? Cut, cut. Just cut.

Trump: Keep it rolling, I’m on a roll. And…action. And…knock knock. Who’s there? Cheeseburger pizza who? Dominicos, that’s who’s there. Well come on in to my belly. Okay that sounds delicious. It sure does. And…freeze. (Trump freezes)

Director: Mr. Trump? Um, Mr…Mr. Trump?

Trump: And…unfreeze. I think we got it. This commercial is going to win a slew of Emmy’s.

Director: Yeah, okay, we don’t quite have it yet. Let’s just get this last bit where you say “Holy cow, I’m hungry for a cheesy crust pizza!” And…action!

Trump: Cheezus Crust, I’m hungry!

Director: And, cut. Great, I think we’re good now. Happy?

Trump: I think we’re good. I really cranked this one out in record time. And as I predicted, it turned out pretty top notch.

Director: Yeah.

Trump: Now, I’m off to a promo shoot. But first I’m gonna get one of those spray on tans. And Derek Jeter’s gonna be there…


Submitted by: Chad Perman

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