Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 30: Episode 18
04r: Johnny Knoxville / System of a Down
Domino’s Pizza Promo
Voice of Director…..Seth Meyers
Donald Trump…..Darrell Hammond
Director: Okay, Mr. Trump, I just need you to stand on your mark.
(Donald Trump enters, dressed as a slice of pizza)
Trump: Okay. We really have to crank this thing out Speedy Gonzalez style because tonight Melana and I are going to be photographed semi-nude in a bubble bath for Women’s World Magazine.
Director: That’s great, Mr. Trump. Now this is gonna be the tag for the end of your new Domino’s commercial.
Trump: The minute I mentioned cheeseburger pizza on The Apprentice, sales went through the roof. I’m talking millions and millions of dollars. Personally, I think it’s the highest quality of the low-quality pizzas.
Director: Alright. So, uh, let’s try shooting this.
Trump: I’d rather just try shooting this.
Director: Fair enough. And action!
Trump: When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, say cheese burger pizza, only from Dominio’s.
Director: And cut. That was really good Mr. Trump. Except this time instead of Dominio’s, maybe say Domino’s, you know, like the game.
Trump: I’ll do that for you and that way you’ll have some choices to futz with in the tech booth.
Director: Thanks for that. Okay, so let’s just pick it up at, uh, at “Say Cheese”. And action!
Trump: Say cheese burger pizza only from Dominios, like the game.
Director: Cut. Okay that was great, except for-
Trump: That was great. Keep rolling because I’m gonna wing one now right off the cuff, Robin Williams style. And action. Geez Louise, I’m hungry. Hey wait – I’m a slice of cheeseburger pizza from Dominios, like the game. (Laughter. Pause.) Do do do doodoo, Dominios. The Apprentice.
Director: What? Cut, cut. Just cut.
Trump: Keep it rolling, I’m on a roll. And action. And knock knock. Who’s there? Cheeseburger pizza who? Dominicos, that’s who’s there. Well come on in to my belly. Okay that sounds delicious. It sure does. And freeze. (Trump freezes)
Director: Mr. Trump? Um, Mr Mr. Trump?
Trump: And unfreeze. I think we got it. This commercial is going to win a slew of Emmy’s.
Director: Yeah, okay, we don’t quite have it yet. Let’s just get this last bit where you say “Holy cow, I’m hungry for a cheesy crust pizza!” And action!
Trump: Cheezus Crust, I’m hungry!
Director: And, cut. Great, I think we’re good now. Happy?
Trump: I think we’re good. I really cranked this one out in record time. And as I predicted, it turned out pretty top notch.
Trump: Now, I’m off to a promo shoot. But first I’m gonna get one of those spray on tans. And Derek Jeter’s gonna be there
Submitted by: Chad Perman