Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 30: Episode 19
Going 2 C Movies
Terry Funck….Chris Parnell
Vasquez Gomez Vasquez….Horatio Sanz
Levi Funderstunk….Will Ferrell
(Techno music plays)
Caption: Going 2 C Movies with Terry Funck and Vasquez.
Announcer: And now Going 2 C Movies with Terry Funck and Vasquez.
(Gay wannabe talk show host Terry Funck sits with ultra nerd Vasquez Gomez Vasquez both holding popcorn bags)
Terry Funck: Hi, I´m Terry Funck and here next to me is Vasquez Gomez Vasquez.
Vasquez Gomez Vasquez: Hey, that´s me! You may know me from my Public Access show “Community Access” or from my picture on the paper when I fell out that hot air balloon.
Terry Funck: And you may know me from “The Terry Funck Show”. Which is not on TV yet. (crosses fingers) And I also host 50´s karaoke at the Templeton Home for the mentally off.
Vasquez Gomez Vasquez: That´s where they keep the loony tunes!
Terry Funck: OK, cool it, Vasquez. On with the show. Today we have a very special guest who we rent movies from a whole bunch.
Vasquez Gomez Vasquez: I rented “Van Helsing” so many times, they gave me these fake vampire teeth for my birthday. (puts fake fangs in) I´m Count Dracula!
Terry Funck: Hugh Jackman looked so brave in that movie.
Vasquez Gomez Vasquez: Please welcome, the movie man, Levi Funderstunk.
(Levi is an old blond hippie with white hair, he carries a basket of VHS movie tapes)
Levi Funderstunk: Hey, who wants some free movies?
Terry Funck: I certainly do.
Vasquez Gomez Vasquez: Count me in.
Levi Funderstunk: The store switched over to DVDs so we had a blowout sale on VHS. And whatever we didn´t sale we gave away to the Templeton Home. And whatever they threw out and whatever didn´t fit in the dumpster is in this basket.
Vasquez Gomez Vasquez: Wow!
Terry Funck: Jackpot! (grabs tape) Wow, “The Life of David Gale”. Oh, ever since “K-Pax”, I love me some Spacey.
Vasquez Gomez Vasquez: Check it out. (grabs tape) “Welcome to Mooseport” My grandma is gonna be mad at me when I piss the couch!
Levi Funderstunk: (grabs tape) Oh, “Down Periscope”. Dive, dive, dive into comedy.
Terry Funck: OK, before we go crazy cakes, lets review some movies. First up, “Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith”
Vasquez Gomez Vasquez: Oh, this is gonna be goood!
Levi Funderstunk: Now although this is the sixth movie made, its actually the third episode of the saga. The Sith—
Terry Funck: Something smells nasty.
Vasquez Gomez Vasquez: I think is Levi´s breath. It smells like dookie.
Terry Funck: Vasquez, you always say what I dare not. Somebody needs to chew some Dentyne Ice.
Levi Funderstunk: Well, actually I got an infected tooth and I just ate an egg salad panini and I smoked a cigar.
Vasquez Gomez Vasquez: Smells like you ate an egg salad poo-nini and smoked a dookie cigar.
Terry Funck: Vasquez, you are on fire today! OK, Lucas is on a man-rag about us showing a clip. So here´s our review. There are some mind blowing CGI special effects and that Hayden Christensen is so evil and sweaty.
Levi Funderstunk: Actually the role of Anakin Skywalker was first offered to Leonard Dicap but he wasn´t willing to–(gags) aaaggghhh!! Oh, you know, now I´m smelling it. Its pretty rough.
Vasquez Gomez Vasquez: You know, I have one question? What happened to Jar-Jar Binks? Me sa-sa, think sa-sa, this movie needs sa-sa, more Jar-Jar Binks sa-sa. Ok, Lucas. I´ll give a break because I´m happy to see a whole army of Chewbbacas.
Levi Funderstunk: Actually is an army of Wookies. The Chewbbacca is simply the name of one particular Wookie.
Terry Funck: Ok, enough of this yap session. What do we all rate this movie? I give it 4 thumbs up. (graphic of 4 thumbs up) One for the CGI, one for hair design, one for Hayden Christensen and one for the fiery and spanishy Jimmy Smitts.
Vasquez Gomez Vasquez: I give it 2 stars up. (graphic of 2 stars) One for the army of Chewbbaccas. One for Yoda played by Frank Oz, who I also think played Mini-me.
Levi Funderstunk: No, actually Mini-me is played by Verne Troyer. Frank Oz is a full-sized man who directed my favorite film of all time, “The Indian in the Cupboard”. (gags) Aaaaaghhh!!! Oh my God, I just got another whiff. I´m honestly trying to think back and remember, did I somehow smoked a dookie cigar? Because its a very specific smell.
Terry Funck: Good God, Levi! Ok, first of all, you need to have your gums irrigated, get all that cheese professionally blasted from your teeth and if that doesn´t work, set your mouth on fire.
Levi Funderstunk: Actually, come to think of it, the last cigar I smoked I found in the grass next to the dog run. (cracks himself up) It was super hard to light and halfway through smoking it, it fell apart in my hands.(laughs) You know what I´m talking about?
Terry Funck: I think so. We do.
Vasquez Gomez Vasquez: You´re the best in the biz, Levi Funderstunk!
Terry Funck: No, he´s not. Well, that´s all the time we have today. Thanks for coming on Levi and thank you all for watching. Remember to save us some seats cause we´re going 2 (sign), see (sign), you (sign) at the multiplex.
Vasquez Gomez Vasquez: Wrap party at my grandma´s house! She´s making manwiches!
Terry Funck: Ok, I got to get away from this.(points to Levi, jumps from his seat. Vasquez takes the basket with VHS videos)
Caption: Going 2 C U Movies with Terry Funck and Vasquez
(cheers and applause)
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel