SNL Transcripts: Steve Carell: 10/01/05: Backstage


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 31: Episode 1

05a: Steve Carell / Kanye West


…..Maya Rudolph
…..Lorne Michaels
…..Finesse Mitchell
…..Kanye West
…..Mike Myers
…..Steve Carell

(open on Lorne Michaels and Maya Rudolph standing outside Kanye West’s dressing room in the hallway outside the studio. Maya is pregnant and looks to be due any day now.)

Maya: (rubbing her belly) I dunno, I think people can tell.

Lorne: I honestly don’t think so.

Maya: Really? I mean I’m 8 months pregnant, and I think people are kind of on to it by now.

Lorne: I’m standing right next to you and I can’t tell.

(Finesse comes up the hallway and slides past them)

Finesse: Excuse me.

Lorne: Hey! I need you!

Finesse: (pointing at Maya’s belly) I did not do that! (crowd laughs)

Maya: He still works here? (she exits to the front)

Lorne: I need you to do me a favor and check on Kanye, will you?

Finesse: You want me to make sure he’s not gonna say anything crazy before he goes on performance, huh?

Lorne: Exactly, Kee…

Finesse: Finesse!! Look, it’s my third season, Lorne! Finesse!

Lorne: I wasn’t gonna say Kenan. I was gonna say.. (thinking) keeeeep it real.

Finesse: Oh oh ok ok.

Lorne: Just don’t let him know I’m worried. That could make it worse.

Finesse: No no. I got it. I’ll take care of everything.

(Finesse turns and knocks on the door)

Finesse: Knock knock!! (sings) She gives me money!

(Finesse enters the room and the door closes for like a second before Kanye steps out)

Kanye: You sent the black guy in ’cause you thought I was gonna say something crazy?

Lorne: Uh, Kanye LOOK! (points behind the camera, then runs off the other way down the hall)

(Kanye continues down the hall towards the studio. As he turns the corner, while putting on his shades, he comes upon Mike Myers at the craft services, having a coffee. Audience cheers wildly for Mike)

Mike: (awkwardly) So uh… Kanye… hey! So uh… how’s everything goin’? (nervous laugh) I haven’t seen you since uh… when was it?

Kanye: The telethon?

Mike: Oh right. I forgot. The telethon. I got a lotta calls about it. Yeah. Mostly from the FBI and the IRS. They uh… took away my American citizenship (maniacal laughter). Still got my Canadian one to fall back on. You know… I’m a Canuck! Pretty sure my phones tapped. They follow me now.

Kanye: (looking distracted) So uh, everything’s good?

Mike: Yeah, great. (looks like he expects Kanye to slap him)

Kanye: Well uh, party on, Wayne!

Mike: Party on! Party on! (Kanye leaves and Mike turns and begins sobbing on the table)

(crowd claps and Kanye makes his way to stageside entrance)

Steve Carell: Ladies and gentlemen – Kanye West!!

(Kanye comes out and performs “Gold Digger”)

Submitted by: Chris Feltham

SNL Transcripts

| Time Warner Cable Packages | Special Cable TV Promotions |

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments