Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 31: Episode 1
Girls Gone Wild Katrina
Doug Stanhope…..Jason Sudeikis
[ open on a slideshow of flood footage ] [ SUPER: “Plaquemines Parish, Louisiana August 30th 2005” ]
Announcer: We were all touched by the devestation that was left in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. So we traveled to New Orleans to help out with..[ cut to footage of screaming, jiggling girls from the Girls Gone wild videos ]
Announcer: Girls! Gone! Wild! Katrina![ slideshow footage of girls flashing themselves with “Never Before Seen Footage”, “Real Girls”, “Sexy” and “Uncensored” tags covering their breasts ]
Announcer: We flew down in our private party plane with t-shirts and bottles of water, to help out real girls who fell victim to a real hurricane!
Doug Stanhope: We’re usually known for making tasteless videos, but we want to do something a little classy, something to help out the unfortunate.[ reveal an attractive blonde in a cowboy hat standing in the floodwaters behind Doug ]
Attractive Blonde: Hey! Can you give me a ride to the shelter?
Doug Stanhope: Absolutely, absolutely! Show me where babies feed![ the attractive blonde lifts her shirt to reveal bare breasts underneath an “Uncensored” tag ]
Attractive Blonde: Whooooooo!!!
Doug Stanhope: Yeah-heh-heh![ cut to Doug propelling toward two attractive girls standing in floodwater, as he teasingly waves a couple bottles of water ]
Doug Stanhope: Hey! you guys want some “water”? [ winks at the camera ]
Doug Stanhope: Yeah? Well, show me where the milk comes from! Huh?[ the two attractive girls lift their shirts to reveal bare breasts underneath “Sexy” and “Hot Hot” tags ]
Announcer: Order today! And discover what real girls will do after a Category 4 hurricane![ show two girls exposing their breasts underneath “Hot Hot” and “Sexy” tags, as a midget in a snorkel and a referee outfit pops out of the floodwater giving the thumbs-up to the camera ] [ cut to Doug drifting toward a woman in a rowboat with her back turned toward him ]
Doug Stanhope: Lady! Show me your —[ the woman, a FEMA representative, turns around and exposes her breasts without having to be asked fully ]
Doug Stanhope: Hey, hey, hey! Alright, FEMA![ more footage of girls standing in floodwater exposing their breasts ]
Announcer: All proceeds go towards rebuilding New Orleans’ famed Bourbon Street.[ the DVD box cover spins onto the screen ]
Announcer: Girls Gone Wild Katrina! And, if you order today, we’ll include Girls Gone Wild Rita! [ the second DVD box cover spins onto the screen ] Both for only $9.99! Order today!