SNL Transcripts: Jon Heder: 10/08/05: Taco Town



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 31: Episode 2





05b: Jon Heder / Ashlee Simpson

Taco Town

…..Bill Hader
…..Jason Sudeikis
…..Andy Samberg

[ open on Bill, Jason and Andy eating tacos at Taco Town ]

Bill: You know what I love about tacos?

Jason: What’s that?

Bill: Everything.

[ they all share their joy with laughter, as Andy mimes milking Bill’s taco]

Jason: Can tacos get any more kick-butt than this?

Announcer: [ chuckles ] Oh, ho ho, they’re about to, all right! New, at Taco Town:

[ the ingredients are continuously filled onto the taco throughout the Announcer’s pitch ]

We take a crunchy, all-beef taco, smother it in nacho cheese, lettuce, tomato and our special southwestern sauce. Then we wrap it in a soft, flour tortilla with a layer of refried beans in-between.

Jason: Sweet!

Announcer: Then we wrap that in a savory corn tortilla with a middle layer of Monterey Jack cheese.

Andy: Awesome!

Announcer: And it gets even awesomer, when we take a deep-fried gordita shell, smear on a little of our special “guacamolito” sauce and wrap that around the outside.

Bill: [ trying to hold this mighty taco ] This is pretty big..

Announcer: But it gets even bigger! Because we bake it in a corn husk filled with pico de gallo, then then wrap that in an authentic Parisian crepe, filled with egg, gruyere, merguez sausage and Portobello mushroom.

Jason: [ getting restless ] Can I eat in now?

Announcer: Sure. But not before we take the whole thing and wrap that in a Chicago style deep dish meat lovers pizza!

Andy: Pizza? Now that’s what I call a taco!

Announcer: Well, it’s not a Taco Town taco until we roll it up in a blueberry pancake, dip it in batter and deep-fry it until it’s golden brown. Then we serve it in all commemorative tote bag filled with spicy vegetarian chili. It’s 15 great tastes all rolled into one.

[ a huge, oversized taco is dropped into a large tote bag, as a cascade of spicy vegetarian chili is poured over it ]

All: Taco Town!

Announcer: The new pizza crepe taco pancake chili bag. Only at Taco Town.

Jason: Taco Town!

[ fade ]

Submitted by: Matthew Brenner

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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