Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 31: Episode 3
The Butt Cancer Treatment Center
[In a kitchen; Wife and Husband Sudeikis address the camera earnestly.]
Wife: There’s some things men don’t like to talk about.
Husband: Like butt cancer.
Wife: Yes. Like butt cancer. Did you know that cancer of the dumper affects one in every forty men? But if detected early, it’s often successfully treated.
Husband: If it weren’t for the doctors at the Butt Cancer Treatment Center, I might not be here today.
Wife: We owe so much to the Butt Cancer Treatment Center.
Husband: We do. I was so worried about my pooper. Then one of the specialists at the Center fiddled around with my buns, and found the problem.
Wife: That’s usually all it takes. They diddle your pooper and then you know.
Husband: Knowledge is power.
Wife: If you’re a man over 30 and you’re concerned, you should have someone put a finger up your fartbox.
Husband: My butt is clean and free and living the good life.
Wife: Your fudge factory deserves the best.
[Cut to picture of building, with sign: The Butt Cancer Treatment Center ]
Female voice V/O: The Butt Cancer Treatment Center. Let us check out your stinker.
Submitted by: http://donboy.blogspot.com/