SNL Transcripts: Jason Lee: 11/12/05: Butt Pregnancy



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 31: Episode 5


05e: Jason Lee / Foo Fighters

Butt Pregnancy

Vera Singer…..Rachel Dratch
Party Guest #1…..Tina Fey
Party Guest #2…..Kirsten Wiig
Mr. Singer…..Chris Parnell
Tammy’s Husband…..Jason Lee
Tammy…..Amy Poehler

[open on exterior of suburban home] [fade to interior, with party decorations and many guests, including a middle aged couple sitting on the couch]

Vera Singer: I can’t believe my Tammy’s having a baby!

Party Guest #1: I know. When was the last time you saw her?

Vera Singer: Oh, it’s been a few months. I just can’t wait!

Party Guest #2: Mr. Singer, are you so excited about being a grandfather?

Mr. Singer: Absolutely! We flew in all the way from Charlotte for this shower. They don’t even know we’re here.

Party Guest #2: Oh! I see their car!

[everybody hides, except for Tammy’s parents who remain on the couch] [Tammy and her husband enter]

Tammy’s Husband: I like the name Pete.

Tammy: I don’t know. I think Pete sounds like a mechanic’s name.

All: [jumping and shouting] Surprise!

Tammy: Oh, my God! Oh! Was this your idea?

Party Guest #2: Yes! Look at you, Tammy, you’re not even showing!

Tammy: Oh, I, um, well, are you kidding? I’m due any day now. I’m showing right here, though. [she turns her slender tummy away and she rubs her buttocks, which is enormous] Mom! Dad! Oh, my God! [she rushes over to hug them] You didn’t tell me you were coming!

Mr. Singer: It was a surprise. Are you feeling all right?

Tammy: Yeah. Yeah, everything’s fine.

Mr. Singer: Good to see you, Mr. Singer. [shakes his hand]

Tammy: I know I’m carrying a little low, but everything’s fine.

Tammy’s Husband: Yeah, the baby’s doing great, Tammy’s doing great. Yeah, the doctor said the baby’s just in an unusual position. He had some term for it.

Mr. Singer: What was it?

Tammy’s Husband: What was it, honey?

Tammy: A butt pregnancy. I’m pregnant in my butt.

Party Guest #2: You’re pregnant in your butt?

Tammy’s Husband: We have no idea how it happened. It’s a fluke, really. It’s actually really common.

Party Guest #1: [scrunching up her face] No, it’s not.

Mr. Singer: But everything’s good?

Tammy: Oh, yeah. The doctor says a butt pregnancy is actually easier when it comes to delivery. So, you know, that’s good.

[Tammy’s parents nod tightly]

Mr. Singer: And, how did it happen again?

Tammy’s Husband: No idea. Couldn’t even begin to guess.

Party Guest #2: Um, well, let’s open presents.

Vera Singer: Oh, Tammy, you get the seat of honor!

Tammy: Okay. All right. Let’s see. Here we go. Oh, boy.

[Tammy walks across to a decorated chair, which she mounts on her knees, facing the back]

Vera Singer: Oh, are you comfortable like that?

Tammy: Oh, yeah, Mom. I’m used to this position.

Tammy’s Husband: We just feel so blessed. I mean, we weren’t even trying to get pregnant.

Mr. Singer: [tersely] Obviously.

Tammy’s Husband: Oh, I have ultrasound pictures! [unfolds a piece of paper and shows it to second party guest] Let’s see, uh, oh! There’s the head, and there’s a foot.

Vera Singer: I just don’t understand how this could happen.

Tammy: Come on, Mom, you had two kids.

Mr. Singer: Not like that.

Tammy: Yeah, well, the doctor says the baby’s perfectly healthy.

Tammy’s Husband: And that butt pregnancies happen all the time.

Party Guest #1: No, they don’t.

Tammy’s Husband: How do you know?

Party Guest #1: I’m a doctor.

Tammy: Oh! Oh! The baby’s kicking! Feel it, honey.

[Tammy’s husband walks over to her and places his palm firmly on Tammy’s left buttock]

Tammy’s Husband: You’ve got to feel this, Mrs. Singer.

Vera Singer: Oh, okay. [tentatively places her hand grazingly on Tammy’s buttock]

Tammy: Come on, Mom, you barely touched it! [grabs her mother’s hand and presses it more firmly onto her buttock]

Vera Singer: Oh, okay! I felt it! [withdraws her hand]

Tammy: Did you feel it? Dad, you feel it!

Mr. Singer: No, thank you.

Tammy’s Husband: The baby kicks all the time.

Tammy: Yeah, if I have too much sugar, my butt goes crazy.

Tammy’s Husband: [laughing] You should see. It’s like those girls in those rap videos.

[Tammy and her husband both do “The Butt”]

Party Guest #2: Are you planning a natural birth?

Mr. Singer: It’s too late for that!

Vera Singer: I’m still confused.

Mr. Singer: Vera, I’ll explain it in the car.

Tammy: You know, we wanted to do a water birth, but we couldn’t find a pool that would let us.

Mr. Singer: Well, honey, whatever comes out of your behind, I will love it.

Tammy’s Husband: It’s amazing, isn’t it? I mean, all that keeps going through my head is that there’s a little miracle up in here.

[Tammy’s husband tenderly rubs her butt as her leans towards her and smiles] [scene freezes]

Announcer: [voice over] And that baby grew up to be “Saturday Night Live”‘s Will Forte.

[dissolve to Will Forte waving happily from the musical stage before exiting stage left]

Submitted by: DavidK93

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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