SNL Transcripts: Jason Lee: 11/12/05: Jason Lee’s Monologue


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 31: Episode 5

05e: Jason Lee / Foo Fighters

Jason Lee’s Monologue

…..Jason Lee

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen – Jason Lee.

Jason Lee: Thank you very much! [ audience cheers ] Yes! Thank you, thank you very much! It’s great to be here tonight! A lot of you may know me from my new show: “My Name Is Earl.” [ audience cheers louder ] But what some of you may not know about me is that, before I set out to grow one of the most powerful moustaches in television history, I was actually a professional skateboarder. Here, take a look.

[ cut to video clips, which open on a close-up of a clean-shaven Jason Lee, then rapidly cut to him performing various skateboarding tricks ]

Jason Lee V/O: See, that’s me, back in the day, in the classic skate video, “1991’s Video Days.”

[ audience applauds as the video dissolves back to Jason Lee at Home Base ]

Jason Lee: Thank you. When I got here, I thought, “What better way to get to know the guys than to take them out skateboarding.” They were really enthusiastic, and it was a lot of fun.

[ dissolve to the video of the day’s excursion, Jason already performing some skateboarding tricks on various high ramps ]

Jason Lee V/O: There I am at Riverside Skate Park, right here in New York City.

[ cut to Jason looking up at Fred Armisen, posed atop the skateboarding ramp ]

Jason Lee V/O: Okay, first up was Fred. I offered to give him pointers, but he didn’t want them.

[ Fred glides down the ramp. Cut to reveal his mangled body lying flat on the ground. ]

Jason Lee V/O: I didn’t know arms could bend that way.

[ cut to Andy Samberg posed before a metal bar separating two ramps ]

Jason Lee V/O: There’s my man, Andy Samberg, the new guy. Promising young kid.

[ Andy jumps his skateboard into the air, then lands on his crotch on a metal bar by the steps ]

Jason Lee V/O: He almost had it.

[ cut to Kenan Thompson gliding across the concrete on his skateboard ]

Jason Lee V/O: Here we have Kenan. He was such a good sport.

[ Kenan rolls his skateboard through a brick wall covered in grafitti. Finesse Mitchell reacts by removing his helmet and walking away from the action. ]

Jason Lee V/O: Weirdly, after that, Finesse wasn’t so into skateboarding.

[ cut to Horatio Sanz standing next to Jason in front of a huge skateboarding ramp ]

Jason Lee V/O: Horatio Sanz. Most people think a big guy like that can’t be a good skater.

[ Horatio glides toward the ramp, then quick cuts of his body falling back and the skateboard flying through the air ]

[ Horatio steps back to Jason, with the skateboard pierced from his back to his stomach ]

Jason Lee V/O: Well, they might be right.

[ cut to Lorne Michaels approaching Jason ]

Jason Lee V/O: Believe it or not, even Lorne showed up. He said he used to skate pools in the ’70s. So I asked if he wanted to give it a shot.

[ Lorne appears relunctant at first, then coolly accepts the skateboard from Jason’s hands ]

[ naturally, Lorne can skate circles around his cast, performing jumps across ramps and spinning through mid-air with powerful precision ]

[ cut to Lorne casually returning the skateboard to Jason ]

Jason Lee V/O: He was pretty good.

[ dissolve back to Jason Lee at Home Base ]

Jason Lee: Well, we had a great time skating, and we’re going to have even more fun tonight. Foo Fighters are here. Stick around, we’ll be right back.

SNL Transcripts | Special Cable TV Promotions |

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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