SNL Transcripts: Dane Cook: 12/03/05: An SNL Digital Short


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 31: Episode 7

05g: Dane Cook / James Blunt

An SNL Digital Short

…..Will Forte
…..Andy Samberg
Stranger in background…..Jorma Taccone

[ tag (over black screen): “An SNL Digital Short” ] [ dissolve to exterior, apartment building. Pan down to stoop, where Andy sits glumly until Will appears from right and sits beside him ]

Will: Hey.

Andy: Hey.

Will: Got your message. So sorry.

Andy: Thanks. I just keep trying to tell myself he’s in a better place, you know?

Will: You know, it’s all right to feel sad. But the pain goes away. [ holds up a head of lettuce and takes a bite ]

Andy: Yeah. I just wish there was a way to make it go away faster. [ also holds up a lettuce and takes a bite ]

Will: I wish it would, too, bro. I wish it would, too. [ bites into his lettuce ]

Andy: Everytime the phone rings, I keep thinking it’s going to be him, you know? And then I remember. [ bites into his lettuce ]

Will: It’s okay. Let it out. [ bites into his lettuce ]

Andy: [ his mouth full of lettuce as he speaks ] I must look like such an idiot.

Will: Why? Because you care about something, and you’re not afraid to show it? That’s not an idiot. That’s a hero.

Andy: What did I do to deserve you? [ bites into his lettuce ]

Will: You treated me like a friend. [ bites into his lettuce ]

Andy: I don’t know what to say. [ bites into his lettuce ]

Will: Sometimes, you don’t need to say anything.

[ they continue to bit into their heads of lettuce together, as a stranger walks past from the left, also biting into a head of lettuce ]

Announcer: Through good times and bad – lettuce.

[ cut to product graphic, with tag: “Paid for by the United Lettuce Growers Association” ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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