SNL Transcripts: Alec Baldwin: 12/10/05: Medicare

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 31: Episode 8

05h: Alec Baldwin / Shakira

Medicare

Spokesman…..Jason Sudeikis

[ open on Spokesman standing before a wall of multi-layered Medicare logos ]

Spokesman: aboard the new Mediare prescription drug plan. It’s easy, it’s simple — and it’s the right thing to do.

[ cut to wide shot of Spokesman, as he begins a cheesy dance to the beat of The O’Jays’ “Love Train” ]

Spokesman: [ singing ]“Come on, OLD PEOPLE!
Get on the train.
Get on the DRUG train.
Prescription DRUG train!”

[ cut to Elderly Woman sitting in a chair in her home ]

Elderly Woman: With over 60 prescription drug plans with 12 categories and 4 sub-categories to choose from, how can I go wrong? Easy, it’s simple — and it’s the right thing to do.

[ cut back to wide shot of Spokesman doing his cheesy dance to the beat of The O’Jays’ “Love Train” ]

Spokesman: [ singing ]“Whoo!
Hey, OLD PEOPLE!
Get on the train.
Get on the DRUG train.
Prescription DRUG train!”

[ cut to Elderly Man sitting at a laptop computer in his kitchen ]

Elderly Man: Simply log in to www.medicare.gov to get all the facts. And make sure your browser’s proxy settings accept cookies. And make sure to hold your plan while holding Control to open a new tab.

[ cut back to wide shot of Spokesman and the Elderly Man and Elderly woman doing the cheesy dance to the beat of The O’Jays’ “Love Train” ]

Spokesman: [ singing ]“Come on, OLD PEOPLE!
Get on the train.
Get on the DRUG train.
The Plan B DRUG train!
Whoo-hoo!”

[ cut to Elderly Woman sitting in a chair in her home, an MP3 player around her neck ]

Elderly Woman: If you like, you can even sign up for an RSS feed, and changes to the policy will be e-mailed directly to you. Or, better yet, have weekly Medicare podcasts sent directly to your MP3 player. Now that takes all the confusion out of it.

[ cut back to wide shot of Spokesman and the Elderly Man and Elderly woman doing the cheesy dance to the beat of The O’Jays’ “Love Train” ]

Spokesman: [ singing ]“Whoo!
Come on, OLD PEOPLE!
Get on the train.
Get your DRUGS now.
Get on the DRUG train!”

[ cut to close-up of Spokesman ]

Spokesman: The new Medicare. So many plans, so little time. Make your decision now! Your health depends on it. [ a beat, before he starts up his dancing again ] [ cut back to wide shot of Spokesman and the Elderly Man and Elderly woman doing the cheesy dance to the beat of The O’Jays’ “Love Train” ] [ cut to Department of Health and Human Services logo ]

Announce: Brought to you by the Department of Health and Human Services.

[ fade ]

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