Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 31: Episode 9
Spelling Bee
Moderator…..Chris Parnell
Girl…..Rachel Dratch
Daniel Strong/Jack Black…..Will Forte
…..Jack Black
…..Kyle Gass
[ scene opens on the spelling bee finals with only two participants left on stage ]
Moderator: And your word is “Xylophone.” The word is “xylophone.”
Girl: “xylophone”, x-y-l-o-p-h-o-n-e. Xylophone.
Moderator: Correct. Next contestant, Daniel Strong.
Moderator: The word is “Business.”
Daniel: [ pauses ] Could you repeat the word, please?
Moderator: “Business.”
Daniel: [ pauses ] Could I have the origin of the word, please?
Moderator: It comes from the Latin phrase “bisnia.”
Daniel: [ pauses ] Could I have the definition, please?
Moderator: “Business”: one’s work or employment.
Daniel: [ pauses ] Could you use it a sentence, please?
Moderator: “Business”: “I’m in the insurance business.”
Daniel: [ pauses ] Could you spell the word, please?
Moderator: No.
Daniel: [ pauses ] Could you repeat the word, please?
Moderator: The word is “Business.”
Daniel: “Business”, b-r-d-t-f-k-l-m-g-h-r-k-w-t-f-n-y-l-k-p-q-w-q-r-t-d-f-p-l-m-k-q-k-w-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-q-s-t-f-j-r-q-m-t-s-d-t-q-m-p-r-f-t-d-p-d-p-m-h-r-k-t-b-t-f, “business.”
Moderator: Wrong.
[ guitar music plays, as Jack Black and Kyle Gass appear on stage right ]
Jack Black: [ singing ]
“Spelling bee, spelling bee
A test of wit and wordlary!
The ancient sport of kings and queens!
To make it on the spelling bee scene
You got to be the cream!
Spelling bee, spelling bee
Daniels dream goes up in smoke
He had his chance, but then he choked
And this, my friends, is not a joke
It’s a friggin tragedy!
Spelling bee, spelling bee
Daniel lived in misery
But Daniel’s not his name, you see
For this tid-bit I hid from thee
That little boy was me!
That little boy was me!
That little boy was me!”
[ Jack Black and Kyle Gass surround Daniel, who stares unblinking into the camera ]
Jack Black: This was a true story.
[ fade ]
Submitted by: Steven N.
