SNL Transcripts: Jack Black: 12/17/05: An SNL Digital Short


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 31: Episode 9

Chronic Snack Attack
Chronic Snack Attack Magnet
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05i: Jack Black / Neil Young

An SNL Digital Short

…..Andy Samberg
…..Chris Parnell

Andy Samberg:
“Lazy Sunday, wake up in the late afternoon,
Call up Parnell just to see how he’s doin’.”

Chris Parnell: Hello?

Andy Samberg: What up Parnz?

Chris Parnell: Yo Samberg, what’s crackin’?

Andy Samberg: You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?


Andy Samberg: Then it’s happ’nin’.

Chris Parnell: But first my hunger pangs are stickin’ like duct tape!

Andy Samberg: Then let’s hit up Magnolia, and mack on some cupcakes!

Chris Parnell: No doubt that bakery’s got all the BOMB frosting.

Andy Samberg: I love those cupcakes like McAdams loves Gosling!

Chris Parnell: Two!

Andy Samberg: No, six!

Chris Parnell: No, twelve!

Both: Baker’s Dozen!

Andy Samberg: Yo, I told you that I’m crazy for these cupcakes, cousin!

Chris Parnell: Yo, where’s the movie, playa?

Andy Samberg: On the west side, dude!

Chris Parnell: Well, let’s hit up Yahoo! Maps to find the dopest route.

Andy Samberg: I prefer MapQuest!

Chris Parnell: That’s a good one, too!

Andy Samberg: Google Maps is the best!

Chris Parnell: True dat!

Both: Double True!

Andy Samberg: 68th and Broadway!

Chris Parnell: Step on it, sucka!

Andy Samberg: What you wanna do, Chris?

Chris Parnell: Snack attack, muthaf—–!

Both: The Chronic-
-Cles of Narnia!

Yes the Chronic-
-Cles of Narnia!

We love the Chronic-
-Cles of Narnia!

Pass the Chronic-
-Cles of Narnia!

Andy Samberg: Yo stop at the deli, the theatre’s overpriced!

Chris Parnell: You got the backpack?

Andy Samberg: Gotta pack it up nice!

Chris Parnell: Don’t want security to get suspicious!

Andy Samberg: Mr. Pibb plus Red Vines equals crazy delicious.

Chris Parnell: Reach in my pocket, pull out some dough.

Andy Samberg: Girl actin’ like she never seen a ten befo’.

Chris Parnell: It’s all about the Hamiltons, baby!

Andy Samberg: Got the snacks in the bag!

Chris Parnell: And I’m ghost like Swayze! (Pause) Roll up in the theatre,

Andy Samberg: Ticket buyin’s what we handle?

Chris Parnell: You can call us Aaron Burrs

Andy Samberg: From the way we’re droppin’ Hamiltons.

Chris Parnell: Bust up in our seats, Movie Trivia’s the illest!

Andy Samberg: “What Friends alum starred in films with Bruce Willis?”

Chris Parnell: We answered so fast it was scary!

Andy Samberg: Everyone stared in awe when we screamed:


Andy Samberg: Now, quiet in the theatre or it’s gonna get tragic.

Chris Parnell: We’re ‘bout to get tickets to a dream-world of magic.

Both: The Chronic-
-Cles of Narnia!

Yes the Chronic-
-Cles of Narnia!

We love the Chronic-
-Cles of Narnia!

Pass the Chronic-
-Cles of Narnia!

Submitted by: Ryan

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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