Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 31: Episode 10
Wally Hammerlink…..Will Forte
Char Hammerlink…..Scarlett Johansson
Stack Sanchez…..Andy Sandberg
Freddie Fingers…..Fred Armisen
Back-up Vocals…..Rachel Dratch, Kristen Wiig
Joyce Crandall…..Amy Poehler
Announcer: You’re watching channel 23, Duluth Minnesotta. (opens with the show’s logo Duluth Live, various scenes depicting life on Duluth, Skyline boulevard, man with snowblower. The Duluth Live band plays easy listening rock theme of the show called “Fly High Duluth”, Wally and Char sing main vocals)
Wally: Fly high Duluth, your spirit has no measure.
Char: Fly high Duluth, the northland is your treasure.
,b>Announcer: Today on Duluth Live: Joyce Crandall fromthe Chamber of Commerce with some post holidaysbargains. And Dr. Paul Peterson for some news you canuse to beat those pesky sniffles.
(Darren joins the band standing next to Wally)
Darren: Welcome to Duluth Live. Great job guys. I’mDarren. This is Char and Wally Hammerlink and theywrote us a great new theme song. I’ll let you guysfinish up while I join my partner. Take us home.
Wally: We got people walkin’,talkin’
Char: Critters squewkin’,squawkin’
Wally: Yeah, we got it all right here.
Char and Wally: Fly high Duluth.
Joyce: Great stuff guys. What a fun group! That’s areally catchy new theme.
Darren: Absolutely, absolutely. They all live righthere in the area. And I got to say I like this song alot better than the old theme. Now Joyce Iunderstand…
Wally: (continues singing) Fly high Duluth, on thewings of emotion.
Darren: They are not done yet. A little bit more Iguess.
Char: Fly high Duluth, your spirit is the potion.
Wally: People tryin’, buyin’
Char and Wally: Kids spyin’, lyin’, old folks lyin’, dyin’
Wally: Oh, we got rebels making love in the streetseveryday!! Yeeeeah!
Char and Wally: Fly high Duluth! (theme song ends)
Darren: All right, that’s great. Are you on the marketfor some post holiday bargains……(Agressive hardrock guitar riff plays, resumes the theme song) Oh,there’s more, we got a little more I guess…
Wally: I know a little place called Duluth town, wentdown there by Mexico way, the women are loose and thebooze is cheap…
Char and Wally: So if you need good lovin’ then youknow you gotta say Fly high Duluth!
(back to Joyce and Darren)
Darren: All right, great stuff guys.
Joyce: Yeah, maybe a little long.
Darren: They are not done, they are not done Iguess…(hard rock beat continues)
Wally: I’m Wally Hammerlink and this is my shetigermate for life Char. Fly high Duluth! Feel the achin’and a-quackin’ in my old dungarees for a big leggedwoman named Sally Sleezle Geezle, she only need onelook at my old trouser weasel and I throw myself downon sweet charity oooooohhhhh!!
Char: Fly high Duluth!
(Joyce and Darren sit with stunned looks on their faces)
Wally: Oh, oh, I see my main man Stack Sanchez a-comemy way and I think his axe has something to say aboutthis.
(Stack Sanchez breaks into a screeching electricguitar solo while Darren and Joyce look on with a mixof boredom and anger)
Char: Let’s bring it way down guys, bring it way down.
(the fast rock beat changes to a slow menacing rock beat, Wally has a bottle of Jack Daniels on his hand)
Wally: Sssshhhhhh! Now let me kick it out to youpeople like this. See, we got a lot of crazy stuffgoing on in this country today. We’re out there dyingin the streets EVERYDAY!! YOU DIG!! Hit me!(1 drum beat)
Joyce: He’s still going on?
Darren: Yes, it is, yes, it is.
(Wally takes a swig of the JD bottle)
Wally: OH, THUNDERBIRD SPIRIT!!! I see old glory overon the horizon!! I see the tattered standard of aninvading army and their numbers ARE LEGION!!!
(Wally takes a monster gulp of JD and finishes thewhole bottle, Joyce and Darren wait helplessly)
Wally: Hit me two times! (two drum beats)Mama, don’tyou point that gun at meeeee! I said PLEEEEEEESEMAAAAAMA!!. Don’t you point that gun at meeee!!Because my loooove is consecrated in the blooood ofthe APAAAAACHE NAAAAAATIONS!!!! OH, DULUUUUTH, YEAH!
(Darren, Joyce and the show’s coordinator argue aboutthe performance that they’re witnessing, Wallycontinues)
Wally: Now wrap your heads around this!(drummer breaksinto a bombastic pull out all the stops drum solo,Joyce and Darren are reading magazines. At the end ofthe drunm solo more stunned looks)
Wally: Everyone give it up for my man Freddie Fingerson the thunder machine! Yeah! Fly high Duluth!(Joycegets up and stretches, Darren lifts his pants leg andexamines his knee)
Char: Fly high Duluth!
Wally: Fly high Duluth!
Char: Fly high Duluth!
Everybody: Fly high Duluth, Fly high Duluth, Fly highDuluth, Fly high Duluth!(faster rock beat resumes,Joyce and Darren sit down and laugh)
Wally: Tell me what we’re doing now!
Everybody: Fly Hiiiiiiiiiiiiigh!!(music reaches climax)
Wally: I can feel it! WAAAAAAAAAAAYYY DOOOOOOOOOOWN INMY LOINS!!, my loins!, my loins!, my loins!
(more bored looks from Joyce and darren)
Everybody: FLY!, HIGH!, DULUTH!
Wally: DULUTH! DULUTH! DULUTH! FLY HIGH DULUTH OH,YEEEAH!! (Stack smashes his guitar to pieces into thefloor and Freddie kicks and dismantles his drum set inreal The Who fashion)
Darren: Ok, that’s our show for this morning. I liketo apologize to all our guests cause we’re out of time.
Joyce: Bye, bye now.
Darren: Maybe no band next time.
Joyce: I don’t know, they were a lot of fun.
Darren: That’s subjective.
(Duluth Live logo appears)
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel