SNL Transcripts: Steve Martin: 02/04/06: An SNL Digital Short: Close Talkers

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 31: Episode 12

05l: Steve Martin / Prince

An SNL Digital Short: Close Talkers

Written by: Will Forte

Gary…..Steve Martin
Ben…..Will Forte

[ tag (over black screen): “An SNL Digital Short” ]

[ dissolve to what appears to be a hotel lobby, with a buffet table set up in the middle. Gary and Ben stand on opposite ends of the table, occasionally looking up at one another. They each seem to recognize the other. ] [ soft, twinkling piano music pots up as Gary and Ben take one hard look at one another, then take a step toward one another, until they are face-to-face as though contemplating embracing for a kiss, until: ]

Ben: Gary? How are you?

Gary: Ben? I thought that was you! Hi!

Ben: It has been so long! You look great!

Gary: Not as good as you look!

Ben: Gary, thank you for saying that, because I’ve been feeling very insecure lately, and that comment is just what the doctor ordered.

Gary: That was an easy prescription to fill.

Ben: There’s that ol’ sense of humor!

Gary: I’m not joking. You look great.

[ the soft, twinkling piano music pots up again ]

Gary: Thank you.

[ an uncomfortable moment, as: ]

Ben: So, uh.. you’re standing a little closer than usual.

Gary: [ defensive ] What are you implying?

Ben: I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?

Gary: You know what?

Ben: What?!

Gary: All of a sudden, I have to go!

Ben: Then, all of a sudden – go!

Gary: Fine!

Ben: Fine!

[ they storm away from one another. The soft, twinkling piano music pots up again, as Ben stops and turns back. ]

Ben: Wait! Gary!

[ they walk back to one another, stopping with their lips barely an inch apart ]

Gary: What?

Ben: Sorry. It’s just, I was a little upset with the distance, and I lashed out.

Gary: What if I move back a little?

Ben: That would be great.

[ Gary doesn’t move an inch ]

Gary: How’s this?

Ben: Great! That’s great! [ a beat ] Well, I’d better get going. Give my best to Denise and the kids.

Gary: Will do. Oh, and Ben?

Ben: Yeah?

Gary: [ changes his mind ] Nothing.

Ben: Okay. I’ll see you later.

[ they turn away from one another, then Gary stops and turns his head back ]

Gary: Hey, Ben?

Ben: [ stops, turns his gaze to reveal a look of innocent longing ] Yeah?

Gary: Keep in touch.

Ben: Yeah. Let’s grab dinner sometime.

[ cut to wide shot, the two men on opposite edges of the screen ]

Gary: I’d like that.

Ben: I would, too.

Gary: Bye.

Ben: Goodbye.

[ they disappear from the frame ] [ fade ]

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