SNL Transcripts: Steve Martin: 02/04/06: An SNL Digital Short: Close Talkers


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 31: Episode 12

05l: Steve Martin / Prince

An SNL Digital Short: Close Talkers

Written by: Will Forte

Gary…..Steve Martin
Ben…..Will Forte

[ tag (over black screen): “An SNL Digital Short” ]

[ dissolve to what appears to be a hotel lobby, with a buffet table set up in the middle. Gary and Ben stand on opposite ends of the table, occasionally looking up at one another. They each seem to recognize the other. ] [ soft, twinkling piano music pots up as Gary and Ben take one hard look at one another, then take a step toward one another, until they are face-to-face as though contemplating embracing for a kiss, until: ]

Ben: Gary? How are you?

Gary: Ben? I thought that was you! Hi!

Ben: It has been so long! You look great!

Gary: Not as good as you look!

Ben: Gary, thank you for saying that, because I’ve been feeling very insecure lately, and that comment is just what the doctor ordered.

Gary: That was an easy prescription to fill.

Ben: There’s that ol’ sense of humor!

Gary: I’m not joking. You look great.

[ the soft, twinkling piano music pots up again ]

Gary: Thank you.

[ an uncomfortable moment, as: ]

Ben: So, uh.. you’re standing a little closer than usual.

Gary: [ defensive ] What are you implying?

Ben: I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?

Gary: You know what?

Ben: What?!

Gary: All of a sudden, I have to go!

Ben: Then, all of a sudden – go!

Gary: Fine!

Ben: Fine!

[ they storm away from one another. The soft, twinkling piano music pots up again, as Ben stops and turns back. ]

Ben: Wait! Gary!

[ they walk back to one another, stopping with their lips barely an inch apart ]

Gary: What?

Ben: Sorry. It’s just, I was a little upset with the distance, and I lashed out.

Gary: What if I move back a little?

Ben: That would be great.

[ Gary doesn’t move an inch ]

Gary: How’s this?

Ben: Great! That’s great! [ a beat ] Well, I’d better get going. Give my best to Denise and the kids.

Gary: Will do. Oh, and Ben?

Ben: Yeah?

Gary: [ changes his mind ] Nothing.

Ben: Okay. I’ll see you later.

[ they turn away from one another, then Gary stops and turns his head back ]

Gary: Hey, Ben?

Ben: [ stops, turns his gaze to reveal a look of innocent longing ] Yeah?

Gary: Keep in touch.

Ben: Yeah. Let’s grab dinner sometime.

[ cut to wide shot, the two men on opposite edges of the screen ]

Gary: I’d like that.

Ben: I would, too.

Gary: Bye.

Ben: Goodbye.

[ they disappear from the frame ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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