SNL Transcripts: Steve Martin: 02/04/06: An SNL Digital Short: Close Talkers



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 31: Episode 12



05l: Steve Martin / Prince

An SNL Digital Short: Close Talkers

Written by: Will Forte

Gary…..Steve Martin
Ben…..Will Forte

[ tag (over black screen): “An SNL Digital Short” ]

[ dissolve to what appears to be a hotel lobby, with a buffet table set up in the middle. Gary and Ben stand on opposite ends of the table, occasionally looking up at one another. They each seem to recognize the other. ] [ soft, twinkling piano music pots up as Gary and Ben take one hard look at one another, then take a step toward one another, until they are face-to-face as though contemplating embracing for a kiss, until: ]

Ben: Gary? How are you?

Gary: Ben? I thought that was you! Hi!

Ben: It has been so long! You look great!

Gary: Not as good as you look!

Ben: Gary, thank you for saying that, because I’ve been feeling very insecure lately, and that comment is just what the doctor ordered.

Gary: That was an easy prescription to fill.

Ben: There’s that ol’ sense of humor!

Gary: I’m not joking. You look great.

[ the soft, twinkling piano music pots up again ]

Gary: Thank you.

[ an uncomfortable moment, as: ]

Ben: So, uh.. you’re standing a little closer than usual.

Gary: [ defensive ] What are you implying?

Ben: I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?

Gary: You know what?

Ben: What?!

Gary: All of a sudden, I have to go!

Ben: Then, all of a sudden – go!

Gary: Fine!

Ben: Fine!

[ they storm away from one another. The soft, twinkling piano music pots up again, as Ben stops and turns back. ]

Ben: Wait! Gary!

[ they walk back to one another, stopping with their lips barely an inch apart ]

Gary: What?

Ben: Sorry. It’s just, I was a little upset with the distance, and I lashed out.

Gary: What if I move back a little?

Ben: That would be great.

[ Gary doesn’t move an inch ]

Gary: How’s this?

Ben: Great! That’s great! [ a beat ] Well, I’d better get going. Give my best to Denise and the kids.

Gary: Will do. Oh, and Ben?

Ben: Yeah?

Gary: [ changes his mind ] Nothing.

Ben: Okay. I’ll see you later.

[ they turn away from one another, then Gary stops and turns his head back ]

Gary: Hey, Ben?

Ben: [ stops, turns his gaze to reveal a look of innocent longing ] Yeah?

Gary: Keep in touch.

Ben: Yeah. Let’s grab dinner sometime.

[ cut to wide shot, the two men on opposite edges of the screen ]

Gary: I’d like that.

Ben: I would, too.

Gary: Bye.

Ben: Goodbye.

[ they disappear from the frame ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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