Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 31: Episode 12
Super Bowl XL Rehearsals
Aaron Neville….Horatio Sanz
Aretha Franklin….Kenan Thompson
Male Coordinator….Seth Meyers
Female Coordinator….Amy Poehler
(Opens with USA Today headline: Super Bowl XL Detroit.February 5, 2006. Next is a headline from the DetroitFree Press:Aaron Neville, Aretha Franklin and Dr. Johnsing national anthem. Shot of Ford Field Stadium.Banner: Super XL Bowl.)
Caption: Detroit. Saturday, Feb. 4th
(Cut to inside of the arena.Two security guys inyellow jackets stand-by. A male and female coordinatorteam appears with black jackets of Super Bowl XL andearpieces)
Female Coordinator: OK, Aaron, Mr. Neville we don’thave a lot of time for these rehearsals. This is yourmark for the national anthem right here.(Points at thebase of the microphone. Aaron Neville enters with hissleeveless jean jacket) I’m going to need you righthere.
Aaron Neville: (Sings) I don’t know much, about thisSuper Bowl, but I do know that I’d like a bowl ofgumbo-o-o-o.
Male Coordinator: Wow! That was great. You reallysound great, Mr. Neville.
Aaron Neville: No, seriously. I need some food. I’mhypoglycemic. If my blood sugar is too low, I fall onmy ass and smash my booty bone.
(Big tittied Aretha shows up)
Aretha Franklin: Is somebody talking about gettingsome food?! Cause if they give him some food, theybetter give me some food. Shoot!
Female Coordinator: OK, Aretha, we’re not quite readyfor you yet.
Aretha Franklin: Well then you best gets ready, sista!And (sings)you better think!….think about getting mesome biscuits!
Male Coordinator: OK, Aretha what kind of food can we get you?
Aretha Franklin: Well….
(Scraggly looking,gray haired, bearded, with a leatherblack beret, Dr John walks in)
Dr. John: (sings) I love that chicken from Popeye’s!
Male Coordinator: Sorry, what?
Dr. John: Yeah, looky here, my name is Dr. John. Howyou doin’. AKA Mr. Mac Rebennack. That’s mysuggestion. The Popeye’s is. I’m paid to sing thePopeye’s jingle but I also think it’s pretty damn good grub.
Aretha Franklin: Popeye’s suits me just fine,baby!(leaves)
Male Coordinator: OK, I’m on it.(leaves)
Female Coordinator: Yeah, you guys, we need you tokeep this moving, OK? We got the Rolling Stones inhere. We don’t have a lot of time.
Dr. John: All right, well you just holler when you needme, OK? I’m gonna pass out underneath that tarp overthere.(leaves)
Aaron Neville: Ooh-Wee! This stadium air is dry. Ineed to moisturize my face, neck and chiseled biceps.
Female Coordinator: I’m sure we can track down somelotion for you, Aaron.
Aaron Neville: I don’t use lotion. I usebutter.(sings)Fine, fine cocoa buttha-a-a-a. CreoleKing cocoa butter, makes my skin feel smo-o-o-o-oth!
Female Coordinator: OK, we’re not doing a commercialhere, Aaron.
Aaron Neville: Oh, that’s too bad. Because cocoabutter keeps my skin supple while accentuating thecontrast of my tattoos.(Aretha appears)
Aretha Franklin: Tattoo? Back in the 70’s I went outon a date with Tattoo. Herve Villechaize. That’sright! I picked him up and threw him through abasketball hoop. That little bastard got so mad healmost tried to stab me! Now, that’s what I call foreplay!
(Horatio looks at Kenan, Kenan stifles a laugh)
Female Coordinator: Wow, that’s an inspirational storyAretha but we really need to get through the anthemone time. At least once.
Aaron Neville: Excuse me. I have a question. Is itpossible for me to get a stand or a little stoolperhaps so I can set my cocoa butter on.
Female Coordinator:(on her earpiece)OK, can we getMr.Neville a stool, please?
Aretha Franklin: Oh yeah, I want a stool too baby! Areal high one that I can rest my titties on!(Girlbrings in 2 stools, waist level)No,no,no. This is nothigh enough, sugar! This ain’t high enough! I’m gonnahave to take my brassier off to use this!
Female Coordinator: OK, look everyone, let’s gettogether and let’s run this thing! Dr John, please!
(Dr.John appears with stuffed, giant rabbit holding afootball while Aaron applies fine cocoa butter on hisarms)
Dr. John: Oh,oh,oh hey!,looky here what I just won and/or stole!
Female Coordinator: Aaron, why don’t you start it off?Let’s do it!
Aaron Neville: OK, I’ll start it off.(Into the mic,Star Spangled Banner)Oh, say can yousee-hee-hee-heee-hoo–huu-hiii!By the dawns earlylightshiii-hoo–hoo-hee-hoo-hoo-haa-hee-haa-hee-hii-huu(littlecrack up)hee.(Smears more cocoa butter)What’s soproudly we hailed….
(Male coordinator arrives with 3 boxes of Popeye’s chicken)
Dr. John: Hey! the food guy’s back! Let’s get the helloutta here!!
Aretha Franklin: Come on, Neville! Come on!
(Aretha grabs the 3 boxes of Popeye’s chicken, Aarontakes a piece of chicken)
Dr. John:(sings)I do love that chicken from Popeye’s!!
(Aretha, Aaron and Dr.John haul ass)
Female Coordinator: Guys!,please! OK, well I thinkthat went really well.
Male Coordinator: Yes, that was the smoothest runthrough yet, those guys are pros.
Female Coordinator: Yeah.
(The two coordinators study the clipboard)
(Cheers and applause)
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel