Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 31: Episode 13
]]>
Air Date:
Host:
Musical Guest:
Special Guests:
Cameos:
March 4th, 2006
Natalie Portman
Fall Out Boy
None
Dennis Haysbert
A Message From the President of the United StatesSummary: President George W. Bush (Will Forte) addresses the public on issues of secret White House activity and Vice-President Dick Cheney’s (Darrell Hammond) hunting accident.
Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush, Dick Cheney.
Transcript
Montage
Natalie Portman’s MonologueSummary: Natalie Portman tackles questions raised by “Star Wars” nerds in the audience.
Note: Portman’s microphone.
Bio: Natalie Portman (1981-). Jerusalem-born actress; best known for her role as Queen Amidala in the “Star Wars” prequel trilogy; had to shave her head for key scenes in the upcoming film “V For Vendetta” (2006).
Transcript
Nelson Baby ToupeesSummary: Hair Club For Men spoof promotes haipieces for babies.
Note: Repeat from: 05k/a>.
Jamba JuiceSummary: The overpsyched Jamba Juice employees (Natalie Portman, Seth Meyers, Horatio Sanz), who have ingested excessive amounts of their own high-energy protein drinks, can’t stop themselves from offering free boost supplements to their customers.
Note: Seth Meyers and Horatio Sanz have to stifle their laughter towards the end of the sketch.
Transcript
Larry King LiveSummary: Larry King (Fred Armisen) interviews a group of transgendered people who are in the middle of their sex change procedures.
Recurring Characters: Larry King, Felicity Huffman.
Transcript
The NeedlersSummary: Argumentive Dan (Seth Meyers) and Sally Needler (Amy Poehler) seek help from a fertility doctor (Natalie Portman) so they can have a baby rather than examine the issue of their troubled marriage.
Recurring Characters: Dan Needler, Sally Needler.
Transcript
TV FunhouseSummary: Celebrating a belated Black History moment, actor Dennis Haysbert shows clips from all-black kids’ cartoons that failed to make an impact during the 1990’s.
Bio: Dennis Haysbert (1954-). Actor; portrayed President David Palmer on “24”, 2002-06; currently stars as Sergeant Major Jonas Blane on “The Unit”; official spokesman for Allstate Insurance.
Transcript
Artsy ApartmentSummary: Nuni (Natalie Portman) brings her college boyfriend (Jason Sudeikis) home to meet her parents, Nuni (Fred Armisen) and Nuni (Maya Rudolph).
Recurring Characters: Nuni, Nuni, Tato.
Transcript
Fall Out Boy performs “Dance Dance”Bio: American emo/pop punk band; name taken from a lesser known character on “The Simpsons” — Fallout Boy, the sidekick of 50’s superhero Radioactive Man — at the suggestion of an audience member of one of their earliest performances; members: Patrick Stump (lead singer, guitar), Pete Wentz (bass), Joe Trohman (guitar) and Andy Hurley (drums).
Weekend Update with Tina Fey & Amy PoehlerSummary: Donald Trump (Darrell Hammond) disguises himself as Martha Stewart in order to pump his own ego over their “Apprentice” feud. Olympic contender Sasha Cohen (Natalie Portman) attempts to tell a couple of jokes. Kenan Thompson introduces a new line of clothing that targets black men in drag, ball pouch and all.
Recurring Characters: Donald Trump.
Sheldon’s Bar MitzvahSummary: Now a man, Sheldon (Rachel Dratch) watches his short-term ex-girlfriend (Natalie Portman) make out with his friend (Andy Samberg), while Megan (Maya Rudolph) dreams of being Mrs. Adam Levine.
Recurring Characters: Megan, Sheldon.
Transcript
An SNL Digital ShortSummary: Between an interview with Chris Parnell, Natalie Portman raps about her real identity.
Transcript
Fall Out Boy performs “Sugar, We’re Going Down”
Totally Rad Smoke Detector 3000Summary: No more annoying sirens while your house burns, thanks to the sounds of the 80’s!
Note: Repeat from: 05d.
GoodnightsTranscript
]]>
Dress Rehearsal Cuts
The CollectorsSummary: Collectors (Fred Armisen, Horatio Sanz) are unable to make money because they can’t speak English.
Broadway Lights DinerSummary: Restaurant wait staff sings Broadway tunes for diners, then begin slipping all over the freshly-mopped floor.
Introverts’ Night OutSummary: Introverted co-workers Neil (Will Forte), Jean (Kristen Wiig) and Sally (Natalie Portman) finally make it out of the office to indulge in a bar’s social scene, which eventually opens them up to the possibility of a threesome.
Note: This sketch makes it to air next month in an episode hosted by Lindsay Lohan.
prisonmates.netSummary: The online singles site where women can meet men who aren’t afraid to commit – because they’re unable not to.
Note: This will make it to air in next week’s episode.
Star Wars Acting ClassSummary: In “Star Wars” acting class, Natalie Portman learns how to make funny character noises.
http://cabletelevisionbundles.s9.com/ | Special Cable TV Promotions | http://www.chartercabledeals.org/
Bad thing happened to me..
This web site can be a stroll-by way of for all of the data you wished about this and didn’t know who to ask. Glimpse right here, and also you’ll definitely discover it.
Magnificent goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff prior to and you’re just too wonderful. I actually like what you have bought right here, certainly like what you are saying and the way by which you assert it. You’re making it entertaining and you still care for to stay it wise. I cant wait to learn much more from you. That is really a tremendous site.
Your ability to enlighten through your writing is truly remarkable.
I was reading through some of your posts on this website and I believe this web site is very instructive! Keep on posting.
keep up the good piece of work, I read few blog posts on this website and I believe that your web blog is real interesting and has got sets of fantastic info .
very interesting subject , great post.
Simply want to say your article is as astonishing. The clarity in your post is just spectacular and i could assume you are an expert on this subject. Fine with your permission allow me to grab your RSS feed to keep up to date with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please carry on the gratifying work.
One thing is that one of the most prevalent incentives for applying your card is a cash-back or maybe rebate present. Generally, you’ll get 1-5 back in various acquisitions. Depending on the card, you may get 1 again on most acquisitions, and 5 back on expenses made in convenience stores, filling stations, grocery stores and ‘member merchants’.
I think that a property foreclosure can have a major effect on the borrower’s life. Property foreclosures can have a 7 to few years negative affect on a borrower’s credit report. Any borrower who has applied for home financing or any loans for instance, knows that the actual worse credit rating is definitely, the more hard it is to have a decent mortgage loan. In addition, it can affect the borrower’s power to find a good place to let or rent, if that gets the alternative homes solution. Thanks for your blog post.
I have been absent for a while, but now I remember why I used to love this web site. Thank you, I’ll try and check back more frequently. How frequently you update your website?