SNL Transcripts: Natalie Portman: 03/04/06: Natalie Portman’s Monologue

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 31: Episode 13

05m: Natalie Portman / Fall Out Boy

Natalie Portman’s Monologue

…..Natalie Portman
Fan 1…..Andy Samberg
Fan 2…..Jason Sudeikis
Fan 3…..Finesse Mitchell
Fan 4…..Kristen Wiig
Fan 5…..Chris Parnell

Natalie Portman: Welcome here, hosting Saturday Night Live. You know, I’ve been in over a dozen films, but I think people probably know me best for my role in the three Star Wars movies.

Fan #1: Ho, ho, ho, ho.

Natalie Portman: Yes, you have a question?

Fan #1: Hum, yes. Funny you mention Star Wars. I have an Episode II specific question.

Natalie Portman: Yeah, go ahead.

Fan #1: Ok. Are we honestly supposed to believe that Jango Fett really really worked hand in hand with Sifo-Dyas in the galactic scenic, to build a clone army on the planet of Kamino?

Natalie Portman: I’m sorry; I get it all the time, you know. Certain kinds of people think that just because I was in Star Wars, I know everything about it.

Fan #1: So you don’t know the answer?

Natalie Portman: Well I begin by saying that Sifo-Dyas never worked directly with Jango Fett and it was Dark Tyrannus who selected the mandolorien bounty hunter after Sifo-Dyas is murdered.

Fan #1: Yeah, I forgot that, I forgot about that.

Natalie Portman: Well, I guess that you also forgot that Count Dooku, who later became Dark Tyrannus, murdered Sifo-Dyas at the order of Dark Sidious none later presented his light-saber to General Grievous.

Fan #1: Never mind.

Natalie Portman: I hope that cleared that up for you. And any other questions? Oh yeah, you.

Fan #2: Yeah, in Episode III, when Obi-Wan is sent to Kashyyk to find General Grievous.

Natalie Portman: Oh, that’s weird because I don’t remember Obi-Wan being sent to Kashyyk to find General Grievous, I remember him being sent to Utapau.

Fan #2: Yah, yah, yah…Right, so he was sent to Utapau, wasn’t it, and he saw Grievous talking to Lott Dod.

Natalie Portman: Excuse me, sir but I think that you’re probably thinking about Nute Gunray. It’s a pretty common mistake. But, what‘s your question?

Fan #2: I, eh… I do not have a question.

Natalie Portman: Does anyone have a real Star wars question?

Fan #3: Yeah, I believe I have a question.

Natalie Portman: Great, what is it?

Fan #3: Star Wars, eh, what is that?

Natalie Portman: You know what? How about no more Star Wars questions, ok? Yeah, you.

Fan #4: You had to shave your head recently.

Natalie Portman: Yeah, it was for my new movie V for Vendetta.

Fan #4: So, it wasn’t for a headlight.

Natalie Portman: No, no, it wasn’t.

Fan #4: I owe my daughter a big apology.

Natalie Portman: Ok, anyone else?

Fan #5: My question is about your first movie The Professional.

Natalie Portman: Great. You know I was actually 11 when I made that movie.

Fan #5: Yes, I do know that. My question is: do you still have any of your wardrobes from that movie? And if so, would you be willing to sell it?

Natalie Portman: Ok, that’s gross, ok. I think that’s about enough. We have a great show: Fall Out Boy’s here. So, stick around, we’ll be right back.

Submitted by: Alexandre

SNL Transcripts | Special Cable TV Promotions |

Notify of