SNL Transcripts: Natalie Portman: 03/04/06: Artsy Apartment



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 31: Episode 13











05m: Natalie Portman / Fall Out Boy

Artsy Apartment

Nunni…..Natalie Portman
Jeff…..Jason Sudeikis
Nuni…..Maya Rudolph
Nonny…..Fred Armisen
Tato…..Chris Parnell

(Nunni and Jeff walk in the door to the modern house)

Nunni: Motha? Dadu? We’re here!

Jeff: I hope they like me.

Nunni: Don’t worry. They love all my new boyfriends.

Noony: You made it!

Nuni:Oh, you must forgive us, we were eating raw bacon in the lighthouse.

(the three hug)

Nunni: Motha, Dadu, This is my new boyfriend. He is from the college with me.

Jeff: Hi, it’s an honor to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Schoener.

Nuni: Oh please, everyone calls me Nuni.

Jeff: Oh! So Nunni, you’re named after your mother?

Noony: No She is Nunni and she is Nuni.

Jeff: Uh, yeah. Nuni, that’s what I am saying right? Nuni.

Noony: No, I am Noony.

Jeff: Oh, you’re Nuni.

Nuni: No. No. Noony.

Jeff: Nuuuuuuni.

Nunni: That is no one.

Nuni: Look at my face. Nuni.

Jeff: Alright, I feel like…Nuni. Is that right Nuni?

Noony: That is very incorrect. Hey! Let us toss in the towel.

Nuni: Please children, won’t you join us in the sitting room?

Jeff: Oh, Alright. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Is there a chair for me?

Nuni: You sit over there on that pile of hair.

Jeff: Oh, this is actually a cahir?

Noony: Why yes it’s the Hair Chair by Mobus.

Jeff: Oh yeah, Mobus. Of course. Wow this chair is actually very itchy.

Nunni: Yes it is. It is because of all the gorilla hair.

Jeff: Wait, so did someone kill a gorilla to make this chair?

Nuni: What a terrible conclusion! It is the hair collected from the bottom of agorilla shower, silly.

Noony: So young boy. Please tell us about yourself.

Jeff: Uh, well. My name is Jeff.

Nuni: Geyf. Gearf. Guearf. Guarf.

Jeff: No no no it’s Jeff.

Noony: Je Guar. Jay Hay. Jerganz.

Nunni: Motha Dadu, you are embarrasing me. Its Jerff. Jeh-Ear-Earre-Effe! Juearf!

Noony: Oh. Like the racecar competitor Juaref Gueardon.

Nuni: Oh, like the wonderful actor Juef Goaldblaum.

Nunni: Precisely! Juearf!

Nuni: Wonderful! We’re in agreement.

Noony: With all this visiting you must be quite hungry. Who wants a snack?

Nuni: Tato! Time for treat!

Tato: Who wants melted ice cream?

Nuni, Noony, Nunni: Me me me me me me me!

Noony: Oh Tato please. Give me blueberry. It’s my favorite.

(Tato sucks it up through a large straw and spits it into his mouth)

Nunni: Put on your treat bib Jarbf!

Jeff: No, I’m good. I really don’t need anyone to blow melted ice cream into mymouth.

Nuni: Oh Guarf, don’t be rude.

Nunni: Please Lerf. If you cared about me you would be more polite. Tato TatoTato, me next!

Jeff: I do care about you Nuni.

Noony: Well, I care about you too, but this is all so new to me.

Jeff: Not you Nuni, her Nuni. You know what, uh, Tater. Let me try thestrawberry.

Tato: Open wide, here comes the tube.

Jeff: Ahh, alright.

Tato: My cousin turns three in two more years. (giggles)

Jeff: Hey, how about that? Uh, you know what, that didn’t taste like strawberry.

Nuni: That is because it is pizza and capers.

Jeff: Wonderful.

Nunni: Would you like to try banana and clam?

Jeff: You know what, I’m gonna pass. I’m gonna pass on that one. Uh, where’s thelittle boys room.

Nunni: Oh, please use Dada’s mobile.

Nuni: It’s the Carry Pot by Human Function.

Jeff: Um, where do I do this?

Noony: Well, right here of course.

Jeff: Uh huh. Uh, maybe I’ll just take this little bugger outside, alright?

Nuni: Alright. Bye Groof.

Noony: Bye Jyland.

Nuni: Oh darling. He is so charming.

Nunni: He’s shy.

Noony: I want some more melted ice cream! Tato!!!

Tato: Who want’s seconds?

Noony, Nuni, Nunni: Me me me me me me me me!

(fade out to Nonny getting more ice cream spat in his mouth)

Submitted by: Redhead

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