SNL Transcripts: Antonio Banderas: 04/08/06

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 31: Episode 15


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April 8th, 2006

Antonio Banderas

Mary J. Blige

None

Chris Kattan
Anderson Cooper 360Summary: Anderson Cooper (Seth Meyers) discusses the immigration issue with Colorado Rep. Tom Tancredo (Jason Sudeikis), Mexican President Vincente Fox (Antonio Banderas) and a hairified Cynthia McKinney (Kenan Thompson).

Recurring Characters: Anderson Cooper, Vincente Fox.

Transcript

MontageNote: Though credited, Maya Rudolph does not appear in this episode.

Antonio Banderas’ MonologueSummary: Antonio Banderas reveals that he is really a woman.

Bio: Antonio Banderas (1960-). Spanish actor; appeared prominently in films directed by Pedro Almodóvar during the 1980’s; American film performances include: “Desperado” (1995) and “The Mask of Zorro” (1998); married to actress Melanie Griffith.

Transcript

Basic Instinct 2Summary: Sharon Stone reveals a lot more between her legs in the long-awaited film sequel.

Recurring Characters: Sharon Stone.

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Deal Or No DealSummary: An eager contestant (Antonio Banderas) doesn’t understand the rules of the multi-faceted game.

Recurring Characters: Howie Mandel.

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OperatorSummary: Monotone-speaking telephone operator Julie (Rachel Dratch) meets a man (Antonio Banderas) at a cocktail party.

Recurring Characters: Julie.

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Besos Y LagrimasSummary: Contorted facial expressions and a wind-blown shirt dominate infidelity on a Spanish soap opera.

Transcript

13th Annual Women’s Basketball Coaches’ Fashion AwardsSummary: Women’s basketball coaches are celebrated for their masculine clothing choices.

Mary J. Blige performs “Be Without You”First Performed: 92o.

Weekend Update with Tina Fey & Amy PoehlerSummary: Dan Rather (Darrell Hammond) has bitter sentiments about Katie Couric’s assignment to host the “CBS Evening News”. Finesse Mitchell delivers a Public Service Announcement about the warning signs of an angry black woman. “One Tree Hill” hearththrob Chad Michael Murray (Will Forte) comments about the numerous co-stars he’s married. Because Antonio Banderas is tonight’s host, Chris Kattan makes a surprise appearance to remind viewers that he used to imitate Banderas on SNL.

Recurring Characters: Dan Rather.

Transcript

ZorroSummary: Frightened at the prospect of bird flu, Antonio Banderas lets his hefty stand-in (Horatio Sanz) perform a kissing scene with Catherine Zeta-Jones (Amy Poehler) while filming “Zorro.”

Transcript

KaraokeSummary: A shy woman’s (Rachel Dratch) attempt to express feelings for her boyfriend (Antonio Banderas) in song are hijacked by the shameless karaoke DJ (Amy Poehler).

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The PlanSummary: Antonio Banderas, Horatio Sanz and Fred Armisen announce that the Spanish-speaking population really is plotting an American takeover.

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Mary J. Blige performs “Enough Crying”

Wine EnthusiastsSummary: Pretentious friends (Chris Parnell, Amy Poehler, Antonio Banderas) offer increasingly outlandish comments on the wines they are tasting.

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GoodnightsTranscript

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Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Head LiceSummary: Insert live roaches in your hair to get rid of lice.

Airport BarSummary: While waiting for his plane, Antonio Banderas shares a drink with a woman (Kristin Wiig) who constantly complains about everything.

America’s Top Romance ModelSummary: Male models (Antonio Banderas, Kenan Thompson) compete for the chance to appear on the cover of a romance novel.

Recurring Characters: Ryan Seacrest.

An SNL Digital ShortSummary: Andy Samberg has trouble eating with his obtrusive lobster claws.

The SuitSummary: Ed Mahoney (Jason Sudeikis) makes an ass of himself to a clothing salesman (Antonio Banderas) while purportedly shopping for a suit.

Recurring Characters: Ed Mahoney.

Soccer MatchSummary: A benchlined soccer player (Antonio Banderas) wants desperately to be put in the game.

Tech PackSummary: Spokesman (Jason Sudeikis) recommends the Tech Pack for a woman (Kristin Wiig) who’s having a difficult time carrying all of her techno gizmos around.

SNL Transcripts

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