Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 31: Episode 15
05o: Antonio Banderas / Mary J. Blige
Basic Instinct 2
Sharon Stone/Catherine Trammel…Amy Poehler
Detective…Will Forte
Announcer: It scandalized a nation. (Shot of the city of London at night, quick cuts of police securing crime scene, taking photos, a needle in an arm) The most talked about film of the last two decades. (Shot of sports car racing down the street, Sharon/Catherine picking up an ice pick) Now she’s back. (Shot of London’s buildings) Sharon Stone in “Basic Instinct2:The Return of the Beaver.”
Caption: “Basic Instinct 2: The Return of the Beaver.”
(Sharon/Catherine sits, smoking in an interrogation room)
Sharon/Catherine: What is it you really want detective? Why can’t you come out and say it? Does this bother you? (She uncrosses her legs, pauses for a second legs wide open, finally crosses her legs. Detective sitting on a table with no interest whatsoever)
Detective: Thank you but no, no, no, no.
Announcer: The tease is over. (shot of sexy legs in black lingerie, black high heels, MGM’s logo) Because in this new version of Basic Instinct we thought it would be better if there were hair pie. (Shot of more buildings at night)
Caption: “Hair Pie”
(Back to interrogation room)
Sharon/Catherine: Do I scare you, Detective? Does it make you nervous to look at me? What about when I do this? (Lifts her leg up high)
Detective: (Sadly) Close that up for me.
(Another shot of the city’s skyline at night)
Announcer: Why not, right? I mean the leg thing worked on the last one. (Shot of London’s Big Ben) So what about going for just a crazy wide-open spread. (Sharon/Catherine uncrossing her legs in slo-mo) There’s also a story of some sort. (Shot of a courtroom. Caption: “A Story”) Check it out and you know what I mean by “it.” (Shot of car racing down the street, cars crashes through a wall of glass)
Sharon/Catherine: Ha, ha, ha. What do you think of that? (Has her leg lifted almost touching her head, points at her crotch) That’s my vagina. (Smiles)
Caption: “Basic Instinct 2.”
Announcer: “Basic Instinct 2.” It’s in theaters now. I’m not kidding.
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel
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