Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 31: Episode 15
Antonio Banderas’ Monologue
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen – Antonio Banderas!
Antonio Banderas: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you!
Ladies and gentlemen – friends – amigos Hispanos – amigos Chicanos – people in general – doctors – lawyers – politicians – truck drivers – taxi drivers – children – elderly cabelleros and senoras – baseball players – journalists – papparazzis – etc. etc.
Probably tonight is the beginning of the end of my career. But I gladly take this risk, in order to have the opportunity to be part of the american pop culture. Which means that, after the show finishes, I will not only be deported from this country, but there is a strong possibility that they won’t allow me back into mine. But I will use this opportunity to say that not everyone in Spain dress as a bull fighter or a flamenco dancer. And, you know – you know what? I am tired of being called a Latin lover, a macho man. I am not an object. and you will understand why I am saying this, once you know the truth. The truth will shock the world, or, at least, a village. But the truth is, that I am, in fact, a woman.[ he rips off his suit to reveal a slinky red dress and bouncing breasts ]
My real name is Guadalupe, but you can call me.. Lupita! [ pulls off his breakaway pants to reveal the rest of his dress and knee-high boots ] Or, as some people know me, “Puss In Boots.” I have so much conflict over the past several years. As a man, I was living a lie; as a woman, I am obviously less attractive, but it is what it is.
We have a great show for you tonight. My sister – Mary J. Blige – is here. so stick around, we’ll be right back!