Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 31: Episode 15
[open on exterior of residence] [dissolve to interior, a party, with Julie eating finger foods as a man approaches her]
Alberto: [with Spanish accent, continues throughout] Oh, look at all this food.
Julie: [with monotone voice, continues throughout] I’m sorry. I didn’t get that.
Alberto: I’m just hungry.
Alberto: Hi, I am Alberto. [extends his hand]
Julie: [shakes his hand] Hi, I’m Julie.
Alberto: Hi, nice to meet you. So, what do you do, Julie?
Julie: I do voice recordings for various customer service lines such as American Airlines and Amtrak.
Alberto: Wow. I am a CPA. I know, I know, boring.
Julie: That’s right.
Alberto: No, but at this time of year, busy, busy, busy.
Julie: I think you said “Dizzy, dizzy, dizzy.” Did I get that right?
Alberto: Eh, no. “Busy.”
Julie: I think you said “Lizzie.”
Alberto: No, “Busy. Busy.”
Julie: My mistake. So, Alberto, let me get some information. What do you do for fun?
Alberto: Well, not much.
Julie: Got it.
Alberto: I like trying new restaurants.
Julie: Got it.
Alberto: And I play tennis.
Julie: Got it.
Alberto: [clears throat] Ah, yeah. How about you?
Julie: I like to travel to various locations, such as Dallas/Fort Worth and New York/Laguardia. Other information may be available online.
Alberto: Well, I’ll take a look.
Julie: Also, I’m a shopaholic!
Alberto: A what?
Julie: A shopaholic!
Alberto: I’m sorry, I do not know what you mean. I mean, my English is not that…
Julie: Oh, to continue in Spanish, please say “Yes.”
Juan: [steps up behind Julie] Para continuar en español, diga “Sí.”
Julie: Alberto, this is Juan. He’s a friend of mine from work.
Alberto: Hola. Hola.
Julie: Will you be needing drinks tonight?
Alberto: Sure, thanks!
Julie: Please listen carefully, as the options have changed. Or, if you know the drink you want, you can interrupt me at any time. There’s merlot, chardonnay, various cocktails–
Alberto: I’ll have a gin and tonic with lime, something like that.
Julie: Before I get your drink, let me see if I have that right. That’s one gin and tonic on the rocks with a twist. Did I get that right?
Julie: Your approximate wait time is one minute. [walks up towards the bar]
Juan: Primero necesito información. [asks a question in Spanish]
Alberto: [answers in Spanish]
Juan: Claro. ¿Necesitas un carro?
Alberto: A car? No, I have a car.
Juan: Goodbye. [steps away]
Julie: [returning with two drinks] I’ve got your drink.
Alberto: [takes his drink from her] Oh! Thank you. Thank you, Julie. I was wondering, do you think I could get your number?
Julie: Oh, sure. It’s eight hundred, five, five, five, oh, one, nine, nine.
Juan: [stands behind Julie] Ocho cientos, cinco, cinco, cinco, zero, uno, nueve, nueve. [steps away]
Alberto: Uh… [chuckles] Anyway, Julie, would you like to get out of here?
Julie: Oh… [chuckles] Your approximate wait time is zero minutes.[Alberto puts his arm around Julie and they exit together]
Submitted by: DavidK93