Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 31: Episode 15
(Backstage. Amy Poehler, Chris Parnell and Jason Sudeikis are talking. Antonio Banderas runs into them)
Amy: Oh, good job, Antonio!
Chris: Really good!
Jason: Yeah, really good.
Antonio: Doing sketch comedy is easy, you know maybe I´ll do this for a living. Anyway, I´ve gotta go. Gotta go. See you later.
Jason: OK, see you. That´s great. (Antonio leaves)
Chris: See what I mean?
Amy: Now I do.
Jason: What do you guys mean?
Chris: The foreigner thinks he can do our job?
Jason: Oh, I don´t think that´s what he meant.
Amy: No. They all do. I´m tired of these Mexicans coming into our country and taking our jobs.
Jason: You know, first of all, Antonio is not Mexican.
Amy: Yeah, he is!
Chris: Definitely is! Looks like one.
Jason: No, he´s Spanish, all right. And secondly, you guys are racist.
Chris: Oh, are we? Wait ’til they take your job.
Amy: Yeah, yeah. If NBC had its way, this whole cast would be border-jumping Mexicans. (Horatio Sanz joins them) Yo, Horatio! What´s up, man! (Highs five him)
Horatio: What´s up, guys?
(Fred Armisen talks directly into the camera as Amy, Jason and Chris leave)
Fred: I´ll tell you what´s up! My name´s Fred Armisen. (Antonio Banderas joins in)
Antonio: Hi, I am Antonio Banderas.
Horatio: And I am “Horacio” Sanz.
Antonio: In the coming weeks, as the issue of illegal inmigration takes center stage in American politics, you are going to hear many sides to this difficult issue.
Fred: Much of what you hear will not be the truth. Politics will color the debate, making it harder for all of us to understand the real issue.
Horatio: No matter what anyone says, there is no simple solution to this problem.
Antonio: What we know is this: we are coming, and we´re going to take your job.
Horatio,/b>: We are also planning to have sex with your women and make lots of babies. Which you´ll pay with your tax dollars.
Antonio: But that has long been the plan.
Fred: Many of us are criminals. And we intend to cut you with knives.
Horatio: And flood your cities with drugs.
Antonio: But there is no fight in this. It was a plan we all came up with and we all agree was the best plan, right?
Fred: I´m not really an illegal alien, but my mother´s Venezuelan and she used to tell me this great plan when I was a child. Take their jobs, cut them with knives, drugs.
Antonio: And make babies.
Horatio: Hopefully, this will put an end to the debate. There is no solution.
Fred: Only the plan.
Antonio: Thank you for listening, and remember The Alamo.
(Fred, Horatio and Antonio join hands in big Latin support)
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel