SNL Transcripts: Antonio Banderas: 04/08/06: The Plan


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 31: Episode 15

05o: Antonio Banderas / Mary J. Blige

The Plan

…..Jason Sudeikis
…..Chris Parnell
…..Amy Poehler
…..Horatio Sanz
…..Fred Armisen
…..Antonio Banderas

(Backstage. Amy Poehler, Chris Parnell and Jason Sudeikis are talking. Antonio Banderas runs into them)

Amy: Oh, good job, Antonio!

Chris: Really good!

Jason: Yeah, really good.

Antonio: Doing sketch comedy is easy, you know maybe I´ll do this for a living. Anyway, I´ve gotta go. Gotta go. See you later.

Jason: OK, see you. That´s great. (Antonio leaves)

Chris: See what I mean?

Amy: Now I do.

Jason: What do you guys mean?

Chris: The foreigner thinks he can do our job?

Jason: Oh, I don´t think that´s what he meant.

Amy: No. They all do. I´m tired of these Mexicans coming into our country and taking our jobs.

Jason: You know, first of all, Antonio is not Mexican.

Amy: Yeah, he is!

Chris: Definitely is! Looks like one.

Jason: No, he´s Spanish, all right. And secondly, you guys are racist.

Chris: Oh, are we? Wait ’til they take your job.

Amy: Yeah, yeah. If NBC had its way, this whole cast would be border-jumping Mexicans. (Horatio Sanz joins them) Yo, Horatio! What´s up, man! (Highs five him)

Horatio: What´s up, guys?

(Fred Armisen talks directly into the camera as Amy, Jason and Chris leave)

Fred: I´ll tell you what´s up! My name´s Fred Armisen. (Antonio Banderas joins in)

Antonio: Hi, I am Antonio Banderas.

Horatio: And I am “Horacio” Sanz.

Antonio: In the coming weeks, as the issue of illegal inmigration takes center stage in American politics, you are going to hear many sides to this difficult issue.

Fred: Much of what you hear will not be the truth. Politics will color the debate, making it harder for all of us to understand the real issue.

Horatio: No matter what anyone says, there is no simple solution to this problem.

Antonio: What we know is this: we are coming, and we´re going to take your job.

Horatio,/b>: We are also planning to have sex with your women and make lots of babies. Which you´ll pay with your tax dollars.

Antonio: But that has long been the plan.

Fred: Many of us are criminals. And we intend to cut you with knives.

Horatio: And flood your cities with drugs.

Antonio: But there is no fight in this. It was a plan we all came up with and we all agree was the best plan, right?

Horatio: Yes.

Fred: I´m not really an illegal alien, but my mother´s Venezuelan and she used to tell me this great plan when I was a child. Take their jobs, cut them with knives, drugs.

Antonio: And make babies.

Horatio: Hopefully, this will put an end to the debate. There is no solution.

Fred: Only the plan.

Antonio: Thank you for listening, and remember The Alamo.

(Fred, Horatio and Antonio join hands in big Latin support)

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts | Special Cable TV Promotions |

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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