Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 31: Episode 16
05p: Lindsay Lohan / Pearl Jam
Neutrogena Coin Slot Cream
Girl #1…..Lindsay Lohan
Girl #2…..Kristen Wiig
Announcer…..Amy Poehler
[ FADE IN ]
[ A cascade of water whirls THROUGHOUT the screen and stops. Two girls, LINSDAY LOHAN & KRISTEN WIIG, dance onto the center. Bumping and grinding. Lindsay faces the camera. ]
Girl #1: There’s hand moisturizer for your hands.
[ Lindsay shows both her palms. Both resume dancing. ]
Girl #2: And face moisturizer for your face.
[ Kristen makes a goofy face. The girls continue to bump. ]
Girl #1: What about moisturizer for your coin slot?
[ A finger points to Lindsay’s butt crack. Her face turns serious. ]
Girl #2: With today’s low-cut fashions, your coin slot is exposed to both sun and wind.
Girl #1: That can leave your slot dry and flaky.
[ An ANIMATED rendering of a rear end displays damages of UV rays. ]
Girl #1: Introducing new “Coin Slot Creme” by Neutrogena.
[ Lindsay holds a bottle of the product w/Kristen by her side. An EXTREME CLOSE-UP of the product displays itself with water splashes around it. ]
Girl #2: A cleansing lotion designed especially for your coin slot.
[ Kristen points to her butt crack. ]
[ Another ANIMATED rendering shows a drop of “Coin Slot Creme” removing the effects of harmul UV rays to the coin slot. ]
Announcer: Neutrogena’s “Coin Slot” hydrates and replenishes while moving unwanted dirt and oil. Leaving your skin smooth and silky.
Girl #1: Peace out, coin slot dryness!
Girl #2: “Coin Slot Creme” should not be used on your arms…
Girl #1: Legs…
Girl #2: Face…
Girl #1: Shoulders…
Girl #2: Or upper back.
Girl #1: So don’t go there!
[ The girls return to bumping and grinding. ]
Announcer: “Coin Slot Creme” by Neutrogena.
Both: Kick coin slot dryness to the curb!
[ Both women perform a high-kick. ]
[ A SUPERIMPOSED image of the logo remains front and center on-screen. ]
[ FADE OUT ]
Submitted by: Cody Downs
