SNL Transcripts: Julia Louis-Dreyfus: 05/13/06: Tech Pack

Saturday Night Live Transcripts

Season 31: Episode 18

Tech Pack

Man…..Jason Sudeikis
Woman…..Kristin Wiig

[ open on airport terminal, flight departures board ] [ cut to Woman stumbling out of a taxi cab, as she drops her multiple portable electronic devices ] [ cut to Man checking his watch inside terminal, as he waits for Woman to arrive. He waves upon seeing her; her cell phone rings, causing her to dro pthe other devices once mroe as she tries to answer the cell phone. ]

Man: Cell phones, Blackberries, MP3 players – it’s too much stuff.

Woman: I know. But I could never give them up.

Man: You don’t have to. Not with the new Tech Pack. [ he opens his jacket to reveal a strap around his waist which holsters all his portable electronic devices – not unlike a bomb strap ] It’s all right here. I’ve got my Blacberry, my MP3 player, both my cell phones, and a digital camera. With plenty of pouches left over for any other electronic equipment I might want to add.

Woman: Boy, that really would make my life a lot easier!

Man: And, get this – you can control the whole pack with one easy-to-use remote control wire. [ holds up a cord-like wire, with his thumb positioned firmy over the single red button on the end ]

Woman: One wire! That really makes sense! I’m gonna get myself a Tech Pack – right after we catch this plane.

Man: Hold on, I got it.

[ his Tech Pack bouncing over his stomach, the Man proceeds to run like a maniac past the crowd and in the direction of the entrance to the plane. Other people scream, as Security frantically holds the crowd back. ]

Man: Hold the plane! hold the plane!

[ he jumps over someone’s luggage, as the scene freezes ]

Announcer: Tech Pack. You’ll be blown away.

[ Music Out: “The Letter”, by The Box Tops ] [ fade ]

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