SNL Transcripts: Julia Louis-Dreyfus: 05/13/06: Tech Pack


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 31: Episode 18

05r: Julia Louis-Dreyfus / Paul Simon

Tech Pack

Man…..Jason Sudeikis
Woman…..Kristin Wiig

[ open on airport terminal, flight departures board ] [ cut to Woman stumbling out of a taxi cab, as she drops her multiple portable electronic devices ] [ cut to Man checking his watch inside terminal, as he waits for Woman to arrive. He waves upon seeing her; her cell phone rings, causing her to dro pthe other devices once mroe as she tries to answer the cell phone. ]

Man: Cell phones, Blackberries, MP3 players – it’s too much stuff.

Woman: I know. But I could never give them up.

Man: You don’t have to. Not with the new Tech Pack. [ he opens his jacket to reveal a strap around his waist which holsters all his portable electronic devices – not unlike a bomb strap ] It’s all right here. I’ve got my Blacberry, my MP3 player, both my cell phones, and a digital camera. With plenty of pouches left over for any other electronic equipment I might want to add.

Woman: Boy, that really would make my life a lot easier!

Man: And, get this – you can control the whole pack with one easy-to-use remote control wire. [ holds up a cord-like wire, with his thumb positioned firmy over the single red button on the end ]

Woman: One wire! That really makes sense! I’m gonna get myself a Tech Pack – right after we catch this plane.

Man: Hold on, I got it.

[ his Tech Pack bouncing over his stomach, the Man proceeds to run like a maniac past the crowd and in the direction of the entrance to the plane. Other people scream, as Security frantically holds the crowd back. ]

Man: Hold the plane! hold the plane!

[ he jumps over someone’s luggage, as the scene freezes ]

Announcer: Tech Pack. You’ll be blown away.

[ Music Out: “The Letter”, by The Box Tops ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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