Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 31: Episode 19
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:Bit Players:
May 20th, 2006
Kevin Spacey
Nelly Furtado
None
Timbaland
Jorma Taccone
John Lutz
Anderson Cooper 360Summary: Anderson Cooper (Seth Meyers) discusses the Mexican border patrol issue with Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (Darrell Hammond) and a glad-not-to-be-in-Iraq National Guard soldier (Kenan Thompson), as well as the New England floods with an irate housewife (Rachel Dratch).
Recurring Characters: Anderson Cooper, Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Montage
Kevin Spacey’s MonologueSummary: Kevin Spacey vamps it up for an over-the-top “American Idol” demonstration.
First Hosted: 96j.
Two A-Holes at a Crime SceneSummary: The Two A-Holes (Jason Sudeikis, Kristin Wiig) make for poor witnesses at the crime scene of a stolen vehicle.
Recurring Characters: Male A-Hole, Female A-Hole.
Transcript
Oprah Winfrey’s Legends Ball SpecialSummary: Oprah Winfrey (Maya Rudolph) hosts an all-star salute dedicated to the many, many African-American women who have inspired her life.
Recurring Characters: Oprah Winfrey, Patti LaBelle, Maya Angelou, John Travolta, Tom Cruise.
Carol!Summary: Jim (Jason Sudeikis) and Amanda (Amy Poehler) set up his dad (Kevin Spacey) with Carol (Horatio Sanz).
Recurring Characters: Carol, Jim, Amanda.
Transcript
TV FunhouseSummary: Rob Smigel’s latest cartoon shows off a collection of “All-New Presidential Outtakes,” which features everyone from the Speaker of the House to a deer performing a spit take whenever President George W. Bush delivers a speech.
The Usual SuspectsSummary: When Kevin Spacey demands to know why Andy Samberg is late arriving at the studio, the mockful featured player fabricates a story right before his unsuspecting eyes.
Nelly Furtado with Timbaland performs “Promiscuous”Timbaland First Performed: 97m.
Weekend Update with Tina Fey & Amy PoehlerSummary: “American Idol” contender Taylor Hicks (Jason Sudeikis) comes knocking on the Update door. After a clip from her first Weekend Update, Tina Fey delivers her second Women’s News commentary and projects new predictions for Britney Spears. Whitney Houston (Maya Rudolph) rounds up a group of recurring characters to celebrate Tina Fey’s 180th episode.
Recurring Characters: Taylor Hicks, Whitney Houston, Bobby Brown, Frondi.
The FalconerSummary: Complications abound when Ken “The Falconer” Mortimer (Will Forte) is visited by his future self (Kevin Spacey) in an attempt to prevent Donald from being shot by a hunter (Maya Rudolph). When the mission fails, they bungle their way further and further back in time with a growing army of their former selves for a series of near-misses at saving Donald’s life.
Recurring Characters: Ken “The Falconer” Mortimer.
Transcript
An SNL Digital ShortSummary: Andy Samberg stars in “Andy Walking”, a zany segment in which he exploits the “stupidity” of ordinary people by asking them simple questions that they actually give the correct answers to.
Transcript
Legends of HistorySummary: A profile of Phillip Sarc (Kevin Spacey), the man who heralded the Dawn of Sarcasm.
Transcript
Nelly Furtado performs “Maneater”First Performed: 00i.
Neil Young: I Do Not Agree With Many of This Administration’s PoliciesSummary: Neil Young’s (Kevin Spacey) latest album subtlely expresses his opposition for the Bush administration.
GoodnightsTranscript
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Dress Rehearsal Cuts
Head LiceSummary: Insert live roaches in your hair to get rid of lice.
TV Land Variety VaultSummary: A lost television recording from 1960 features spookish Vincent Price (Bill Hader) hosting a Memorial Day special with guests Carol Channing (Kristin Wiig) and Jack Lemmon (Kevin Spacey), and Alfred Hitchcock (Horatio Sanz) appearing in a commercial for “Psycho.”
Recurring Characters: Vincent Price, Jack Lemmon, Alfred Hitchcock.
The Noodle ManSummary: A couple (Will Forte, Rachel Dratch) receive assistance with their spaghetti dinner from the Noodle Man (Kevin Spacey).
Iron ManSummary: An astronaut (Kevin Spacey) disrupts his crew’s space flight by playing Ozzy Osbourne’s “Iron Man.”
An SNL Digital ShortSummary: A cop (Andy Samberg) has a difficult time eating with his obtrusive lobster claws.
Denver International AirportSummary: A pair of American Indians (Horatio Sanz, Fred Armisen) sell good luck items to travelers at the Denver International Airport.
Jimmy Zerillo’s ZooSummary: Jimmy Zerillo (Fred Armisen) announces the grand re-opening of his zoo, now featuring taller fences to keep the dogs from escaping.
