SNL Transcripts: Kevin Spacey: 05/20/06


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 31: Episode 19

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

May 20th, 2006

Kevin Spacey

Nelly Furtado



Jorma Taccone

John Lutz
Anderson Cooper 360Summary: Anderson Cooper (Seth Meyers) discusses the Mexican border patrol issue with Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (Darrell Hammond) and a glad-not-to-be-in-Iraq National Guard soldier (Kenan Thompson), as well as the New England floods with an irate housewife (Rachel Dratch).

Recurring Characters: Anderson Cooper, Arnold Schwarzenegger.


Kevin Spacey’s MonologueSummary: Kevin Spacey vamps it up for an over-the-top “American Idol” demonstration.

First Hosted: 96j.

Two A-Holes at a Crime SceneSummary: The Two A-Holes (Jason Sudeikis, Kristin Wiig) make for poor witnesses at the crime scene of a stolen vehicle.

Recurring Characters: Male A-Hole, Female A-Hole.


Oprah Winfrey’s Legends Ball SpecialSummary: Oprah Winfrey (Maya Rudolph) hosts an all-star salute dedicated to the many, many African-American women who have inspired her life.

Recurring Characters: Oprah Winfrey, Patti LaBelle, Maya Angelou, John Travolta, Tom Cruise.

Carol!Summary: Jim (Jason Sudeikis) and Amanda (Amy Poehler) set up his dad (Kevin Spacey) with Carol (Horatio Sanz).

Recurring Characters: Carol, Jim, Amanda.


TV FunhouseSummary: Rob Smigel’s latest cartoon shows off a collection of “All-New Presidential Outtakes,” which features everyone from the Speaker of the House to a deer performing a spit take whenever President George W. Bush delivers a speech.

The Usual SuspectsSummary: When Kevin Spacey demands to know why Andy Samberg is late arriving at the studio, the mockful featured player fabricates a story right before his unsuspecting eyes.

Nelly Furtado with Timbaland performs “Promiscuous”Timbaland First Performed: 97m.

Weekend Update with Tina Fey & Amy PoehlerSummary: “American Idol” contender Taylor Hicks (Jason Sudeikis) comes knocking on the Update door. After a clip from her first Weekend Update, Tina Fey delivers her second Women’s News commentary and projects new predictions for Britney Spears. Whitney Houston (Maya Rudolph) rounds up a group of recurring characters to celebrate Tina Fey’s 180th episode.

Recurring Characters: Taylor Hicks, Whitney Houston, Bobby Brown, Frondi.

The FalconerSummary: Complications abound when Ken “The Falconer” Mortimer (Will Forte) is visited by his future self (Kevin Spacey) in an attempt to prevent Donald from being shot by a hunter (Maya Rudolph). When the mission fails, they bungle their way further and further back in time with a growing army of their former selves for a series of near-misses at saving Donald’s life.

Recurring Characters: Ken “The Falconer” Mortimer.


An SNL Digital ShortSummary: Andy Samberg stars in “Andy Walking”, a zany segment in which he exploits the “stupidity” of ordinary people by asking them simple questions that they actually give the correct answers to.


Legends of HistorySummary: A profile of Phillip Sarc (Kevin Spacey), the man who heralded the Dawn of Sarcasm.


Nelly Furtado performs “Maneater”First Performed: 00i.

Neil Young: I Do Not Agree With Many of This Administration’s PoliciesSummary: Neil Young’s (Kevin Spacey) latest album subtlely expresses his opposition for the Bush administration.



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Head LiceSummary: Insert live roaches in your hair to get rid of lice.

TV Land Variety VaultSummary: A lost television recording from 1960 features spookish Vincent Price (Bill Hader) hosting a Memorial Day special with guests Carol Channing (Kristin Wiig) and Jack Lemmon (Kevin Spacey), and Alfred Hitchcock (Horatio Sanz) appearing in a commercial for “Psycho.”

Recurring Characters: Vincent Price, Jack Lemmon, Alfred Hitchcock.

The Noodle ManSummary: A couple (Will Forte, Rachel Dratch) receive assistance with their spaghetti dinner from the Noodle Man (Kevin Spacey).

Iron ManSummary: An astronaut (Kevin Spacey) disrupts his crew’s space flight by playing Ozzy Osbourne’s “Iron Man.”

An SNL Digital ShortSummary: A cop (Andy Samberg) has a difficult time eating with his obtrusive lobster claws.

Denver International AirportSummary: A pair of American Indians (Horatio Sanz, Fred Armisen) sell good luck items to travelers at the Denver International Airport.

Jimmy Zerillo’s ZooSummary: Jimmy Zerillo (Fred Armisen) announces the grand re-opening of his zoo, now featuring taller fences to keep the dogs from escaping.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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