Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Special: Saturday Night Live in the ’80s: Lost and Found
Saturday Night Live in the ’80s: Lost and Found
[ cut to Joe Piscopo ]
Joe Piscopo: I was just so grateful that Eddie was on the show, man. Because they were looking to me. And I didn’t wanna have that charge.[ cut to Jerry Lewis onstage with Joe Piscopo, also dressed as Jerry Lewis, in “Impersonation Tips”, 11/19/83 ]
Joe Piscopo: [ calls offstage ] Murphy![ Eddie Murphy runs onstage, also dressed like Jerry Lewis ]
Joe Piscopo: [ to Lewis ] A 9-year-old.
Jerry Lewis: [ to Eddie, talking like a little kid ] Yeah, you know what I was telling him?
Eddie Murphy: [ also talking like a little kid ] You mean, this, the habit, the 9? When I was young, and used to watch “Gilligan.” “Uh-huh,” and all the side — the habit —
Jerry Lewis: When you were 9, you “uh-huh”?
Eddie Murphy: Once, but it didn’t count, ’cause it was — I didn’t — whoa!
Jerry Lewis: Just “whoa!”
Together: But now — “wow!” Yeah![ cut to Barry Blaustein ]
Barry Blaustein: Joe came to me, and said, “You know, you should try writing something for Eddie, because he’s talented.” Other people weren’t writing for him. And it was like, “Well, he’s not really a cast member.” This guy is the real deal. You know, you want to write for the people who’ll get over your material the best. And Joe and Eddie were the two people there who were the most talented.
Mr. Robinson: [ singing ]“It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood
A beautiful day for a neighbor
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?”
Gumby: Cut! Who told you to say “Dammit!” dammit? Who told you to say “Dammit”? Did I tell you to say “Dammit”?
Doppleganger: I thought it would be truer to the character.
Gumby: Hey, who’s directing this picture? Me! Who wrote this picture? Me! This is “The Gumby Story,” dammit! And Gumby does not say “Dammit!” The line is, “I am Gumby, by gum!” All right?[ cut to Buckwheat (Eddie Murphy) demonstrating his vocal skills in “Buh-Weet Sings“, 10/10/81 ] [ SUPER: “Wookin’ Pa Nub” ]
Buckwheat: [ singing ]“Wookin’ Pa Nub in all da wong paces. Wookin ‘ Pa Nub.”
Announcer: Once Buh-weet sings a song, it’s eternally his.
Buckwheat: [ singing unintelligably ]“..Menny Dabid Ibe..”[ cut to Mr. Robinson (Eddie Murphy) standing in his apartment in “Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood”, 02/21/81 ]
Mr. Robinson: That’s our special word today, you know. Come see.[ he walks over to the secret word board, to reveal the word “Bitch” ] [ cut to Margaret Oberman ]
Margaret Oberman: He was this young, black man, who was basically saying, you know, “Shut the hell up.” And “Kill the landlord.” And, you know, was seemingly sort of menacing and scary. But not scary. And middle America was going, “Oh, we just love this.”[ cut to Tyrone Green (Eddie Murphy) pointing a gun at Ariel Feeley (Mary Gross) in “Reclusive Poet”, 03/27/82 ]
Tyrone Green: Miss Feeley, I find your poetry scintillating in its scope. I’m Tyrone Green.
Ariel Feeley: Tyrone Green! You were published in the Rockland Prison Poetry Quarterly. I know your work by heart! Dark and lonely on a Summer’s night. Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord. The watchdog barking, do he bite? Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord.
Together: C-I-L-L my landlord.
Tyrone Green: Damn, that still holds up.
Ariel Feeley: Oh.[ cut to Mary Gross ]
Mary Gross: It was no surprise when Eddie took off with “48 Hours.” It was no surprise.
Barry Blaustein V/O: No one said, “I’m gonna make Eddie the star.” It’s very obvious, Eddie’s the star.[ cut to James Brown’s Celebrity Hot Tub Party, 11/05/83 ]
“Hot tub! Ah!
Gonna get in the water!
Gonna make me sweat! Ah!
Here I go in the hot tub!
Too hot in the hot tub! Ma!
Make it cooler!
Tim Kazurinsky: Not a lot of attention has been to the fact that Eddie was really a team player. He was very gracious to the rest of the cast. And would say, “I’m in too much. Some stuff to these other guys.”[ cut to Woman (Mary Gross) smiling at Tyrone Green (Eddie Murphy) in “Tyrone Green Art Gallery“, 09/25/82 ] [ cut to Mr. T (Eddie Murphy) watching as Mrs. T (Robin Duke) hugs Steve Lawrence (Joe Piscopo) in “The Mrs. T Birthday Special”, 03/19/83 ] [ cut to Alfalfa (Mary Gross) and Buckwheat (Eddie Murphy) in “The End of Buckwheat”, 12/15/84 ] [ cut to Eddie Murphy and Tim Kazurinsky in some sort of office sketch ]
Eddie Murphy: Marvelous! [ cracks up ] [ cut to E. Eppy Doolittle (Eddie Murphy) getting pelted with pieces of cake from offscreen in “Club Doolittle”, 04/09/83 ]
E. Eppy Doolittle: [ Eddie finally breaks character, cracking up ] This is live television! This show’s live![ cut to Tim Kazurinsky ]
Tim Kazurinsky: He was a Mensch.
Stevie Wonder: [ singing ]“And maybe, too, if you would believe
You, too, might be overjoyed
Over love, over me
And though the odds improbable, what do they know
For in romance all true love needs is a chance
And maybe with that chance you will find now.”
Tim Kazurinsky V/O: You go to the read-through, and all, like, 30, 40 pieces were written for Joe Piscopo and Eddie Murphy. You knew that Dick was tapping those guys for stardom, and, on some level, they were keeping the show alive. But, on the – you know, like – can somebody throw us a bone?[ cut to Frank Sinatra (Joe Piscopo) and Dion Dion (Eddie Murphy) in “What Would Frank Do?”, 04/09/83 ] [ cut to Eddie and Joe at Home Base ] [ cut to Eddie and Joe as old men on a park bench ] [ cut to Eddie and Uncle Tom (Joe Piscopo) ] [ cut to opening slide, “I Married A Monkey”, 11/14/81 ]
Announcer: And now, another edition in the continuing daytime drama – “I Married A Monkey.”[ cut to Tim Kazurinsky ]
Tim Kazurinsky: I thought, if I worked with a chimp live, I got a feeling something’s gonna screw up, and people will know that this is happening live.[ cut back to Tim on the bed with Madge the chimp, in “I Married A Monkey”, 11/14/81 ]
Tim: Can’t you see that it tears me apart inside, knowing that if I so much as try to give you a kiss — [ Madge leans over and gives Tim a rough hug, to the audience’s delight ] Madge – no, I don’t want your pity.
Tim Kazurinsky V/O: People instinctively knew that this is happening in the now.
Tim: [ as their baby chimp jumps about the room ] The kid doesn’t get enough attention![ the baby chimp jumps on a chair, knocking a framed picture down from the wall ] [ cut to Tim Kazurinsky ]
Tim Kazurinsky: I think we did another half a dozen of those before I realized that the chimp was trying to kill me.[ commercial break ]