Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Special: Saturday Night Live in the ’80s: Lost and Found
Saturday Night Live in the ’80s: Lost and Found
…..A. Whitney Brown
[ title card: “Act 3: ’85-’90” ] [ cut back to Kevin Nealon in “Automobile Club”, 11/22/86 ]
Kevin Nealon: somehwere I went on the map here. Okay, well,it’s not on this map, but — pretend that’s Idaho. All right, let me help you out a little here. [ folds a corner of the map over ] Okay, there’s Idaho. Okay, here’s what I did. All right, I went up the coast of Idaho — I went up into Washington — I went up through Washington — came down into Oregon — a lot of mountains in Oregon. I went allthrough the mountains — came down into California — California was nice. I think probably the nicest place I went on my whole trip was — Hawaii, which is out here. [ tears a piece of the map off to represent the main island of Hawaii ] Not the main island, but those two little islands that are right off of the main island. [ tears off two little pieces to represent those two islands ] Okay? You got Maui — no, no — Maui, and — Catalina, I think was the other one. I’m not sure — I’m not sure about that. But it was a fun trip.[ cut to Lorne Michaels ]
Lorne Michaels: Brandon called me and said, “Will you come back?” And I asked some really smart people in show business what they thought I should do. And someone said, “No, you don’t do ‘Saturday Night Live.'” You know? “You’ve already done ‘Saturday Night Live.’ Someone who wants to be you does ‘Saturday Night Live.'” And I thought, “Oh.” And then, I thought, “Right, well, I kind of enjoyed being me.”[ cut to Dick Ebersol ]
Dick Ebersol: Six or seven days later, somebody called me up on the telephone and said that Lorne was coming back.[ cut to Danny DeVito ]
Danny DeVito: One of them has blonde hair, one of them has dark hair — I think one of them is taller than the other. I think one of them is from Canada.
Jon Lovitz: This was 1985, and it was all over the newspapers that Lorne Michaels was coming back to the show after being gone for five years.[ cut to Neil Levy ]
Neil Levy: Everyone was shocked, and everyone was delighted. People were like — it was like — it was the second coming.[ cut to Kevin Nealon ]
Kevin Nealon: He was the guy, you know. He was the creator of the show and there with the original cast.[ cut to Victoria Jackson ]
Victoria Jackson: I always thought of “Saturday Night Live” kind of as a cult. And Lorne is the leader.[ cut to The Bangles’ performance of “In Your Room”, 12/03/88 ]
The Bangles: [ singing ]“I love it in your room at night
You’re the only one who gets through to me
In the warm glow of the candlelight
Oh, I wonder
In your room
I’ll do anything you want me to
I only want to be with you
In your room
In your room.”
Lorne Michaels: In that first year back, I think I had something to prove, which was that it had more to do with talent than anything else, as I believe it was in the ’70s. And so, I tried to find the people that I thought were the most talented, and I was starting from scratch.
Terry Sweeney: I was in California, and Lorne was in California looking for talent.[ cut to Jon Lovitz ]
Jon Lovitz: My agent mentioned it to me, and I said, “What are you, crazy? Why don’t I land on Pluto? Why don’t I do that?”[ cut to pathological liar Tommy Flanagan in “Pathological Liars Anonymous“, 11/16/85 ]
Tommy Flanagan: I’m a member of Pathological Liars Anonymous. In fact.. I’m the president of the organization![ cut to Lorne Michaels ]
Lorne Michaels: John was the, perhaps the most connected to what “Saturday Night Live” had been.[ cut to Nora Dunn ]
Nora Dunn: I was working brunch — on a Sunday.[ cut to Tom Davis ]
Tom Davis: Nora Dunn was a waitress in the restaurant below where we were auditioning.
Pat Stevens: So, Farrakhan, it’s ironic that you’re here today. Because Chaka Khan will be here tomorrow.[ cut to Terry Sweeney ]
Terry Sweeney: I got just the worst bouquet you ever saw.[ cut to Maggie the Cat (Jerry Hall) seducing a gay tourist (Terry Sweeney) in “The Limits of the Imagination”, 02/15/86 ]
Gay Tourist: Lady, I’m a florist from San Francisco![ cut to Terry Sweeney ]
Terry Sweeney: And I stapled the bill, for what I paid for ’em. And I just said, “Look, If you don’t hire me, I expect to be reimbursed. I’m not made of money. And then, a week later, they hired Dennis Miller. And also, with me — I remember, on the plane from L.A. was Damon Wayans. And they hired him as a featured player.[ cut to Damon Wayans coming out to do his “Mo’ Money” commentary on “Weekend Update with Dennis Miller”, 11/16/85 ] [ cut to Al Franken ]
Al Franken: Lorne brought in — Robert Downey, Jr., Anthony Michael Hall —
Al Franken V/O: — we had Joan Cusack, and we had Danitra Vance.[ cut to Cabrini Green (Danitra Vance) being held back by one classmate (Joan Cusack) while yelling at another (Nora Dunn) in “Cabrini Green and Her Mother”, 04/12/86 ]
Cabrini Green: Hold me back![ cut to Lorne Michaels ]
Lorne Michaels: And Randy Quaid, who I just adored.[ cut to Vald the Impaler (Randy Quaid) speaking with his wife (Joan Cusack) in “The Life of Vlad The Impaler”, 11/16/85 ]
Vlad The Impaler: So, let me ask you something. Now, what if we just impaled people who really deserved it?
Wife: Well, now, how do you determine who deserves it?
Vlad The Impaler: Well, that’s what I said.[ cut to Lorne Michaels ]
Lorne Michaels: So it was an interesting group that — with lots of different sensibilities — and it was sort of hard to make it ouould sort of see that there was promise there.
Al Franken V/O: Lorne’s instincts were to find new people.[ cut to Lorne Michaels ]
Lorne Michaels: And I wanted to go younger. I — perhaps went too young, but I think — I wanted to go younger.[ cut to quiz schoolers on “Jose Cuervo’s Party School Bowl”, 11/16/85 ]
Moderator: George Washington and Abraham Lincoln were both presidents of the United States. For ten points, name a third.
Al Franken: You couldn’t do a Senate hearing with Anthony Michael Hall, Robert Downey, Jr., Terry Sweeney. [ laughs ] I mean, those guys aren’t senators.[ cut to in “Pinklisting“, 11/09/85 ]
Clint Weston: Angel, I want you to know – I’m not just doing this for the money..[ a light falls from the set, crashing into the hot tub. Clint freaks out and releases a shrill, effeminate scream ]
Melinda Zoomont: Wait a minute! You’re gay!
Clint Weston: Yes, I’m gay! And now you all know. Art, you can fire me if you like, but I can’t go on living a lie.
Director: Clint, I admire your guts. And I think you should know that.. I’m gay, too.[ so is everyone else ] [ cut to Terry Sweeney ]
Terry Sweeney: The guys would go, like, “Hey, If we need a gay guy, we’ll call you.” You know? I’m like, “Hey, couldn’t that guy be gay? The one who hosts the show? I mean, can’t I just be a regular guy?” They’d be like, “Oh, no, you’re the gay guy. If we need — oh, and here’s a dress. Here, put that on and go out there.”[ cut to A. Whitney Brown ]
A. Whitney Brown: They didn’t have the confidence or the security or the open-mindedness to be able to turn what he had into — into something of our own.[ cut to Rob Smigel ]
Rob Smigel: You need those core people in the middle who can kind of handle any role, and then everybody else can shine at what they Excel at. And they didn’t really exist that year.
Tom Davis V/O: We just had lumps of this and lumps of that.[ cut to Don Novello ]
Don Novello: As individuals, you know, they were all terrific. But it didn’t work as a cast. It was hard to write, you know, full cast pieces.[ cut to A. Whitney Brown ]
A. Whitney Brown: The writers and the Cast were mismatched.[ cut to Master Thespian yelling at a camel in the jungle, 02/15/86 ]
Master Thespian: Be prepared to improvise.[ commercial break ]