SNL Transcripts: Dane Cook: 09/30/06: Geico


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 1

06a: Dane Cook / The Killers


Eric Butler…..Andy Samberg
Whitney Houston…..Maya Rudolph

[ open on Eric Butler sitting at kitchen table with Whitney Houston ]

Announcer: Eric is a real Geico customer – not a paid celebrity. So, to help him tell his story, we paired him with Whitney Houston.

Eric Butler: I was late for my mid-terms, so, needless to say, I was kind of in a rush.

Whitney Houston: In other words.. he felt the need for speed. [ removes her dark glasses ] Like I felt the need to freebase cocaine off a hot waffle iron! But Mama don’t do that any more. [ claps hands together ] Mama is for [ hits high note ] rea-a-a-a-a-a-a-allll! Whoo!! [ holds her gaze upon Eric ]

Eric Butler: It was raining, and I started to hydroplane. I lost control of my SUV.

Whitney Houston: I lost control of my bowels! And my mind! When I passed Bobby Brown in a hot tub with three hoopty-hoopties from a Jay-Z vidja. [ does a little dance gyration with her neck ]

Eric Butler: I thought I was gonna have to postpone my exams.

Whitney Houston: That’s when I got in my SUV, threw that sukca in reverse, and drove backwards all the way to Dionne Warwick’s house! [ does her little neck dance gyration again ]

Eric Butler: Geico took care of everything immediately.. and I passed Sociology.

Whitney Houston: I passed Bobby Brown the other day! And I threw an old bag of Chicken McNuggets at his head! [ bounces her head around and sings ] “Ain’t it shockin’ what! Ain’tit shockin’ what.. love.. can do –“

Announcer: Geico. We’re wrecks.. cars.. and celebrities.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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